


Implications of a Silver Wolf

by standoutme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter Next Generation, Ships are all over the place
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 35,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22190116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standoutme/pseuds/standoutme
Summary: After conjuring a patronus in the form of a wolf in defence class, Lily has no choice but to try and make sense of it, as a wolf could not possibly be her spirit animal. Matching patronuses were a thing of love and soulmates, and Lily was not one to submit to such weaknesses. Especially not with her professor/best-friend.
Relationships: Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Lily Luna Potter/Lorcan Scamander, Scorpius Malfoy/Lily Luna Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley, Teddy Lupin/Lily Luna Potter
Comments: 19
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

Lily's patronus was a wolf. It wasn't the first animal that came to mind when thinking of Lily Luna Potter, nor the second, nor the third. As a matter of fact, it was questionable whether a wolf was even on the list of animals one could be associated with the small-built, sixth year Slytherin. However so, it was a large silver wolf that sprung out of her wand that afternoon in defence class. And while most of the class were taken aback by the size of it, no less the fact that the seventeen-year-old had conjured a full corporal patronus, no one looked more stunned than Teddy. The professor, that is. Her god-brother, best-friend (well, only friend to be entirely honest), and professor. Lily herself didn't know what to make of it. Not many things scared the girl, who was the black sheep of the family, and one out of only two Slytherins in the entire Weasley/Potter clan. But as a matter of fact, the shape of her patronus did scare her. It was well known that one's patronus was supposed to take the shape of their spirit, and Lily knew as well as anyone that her spirit animal was more likely to be a cat of some kind, or a fox. Naturally, there were situations when a patronus took a different shape, or even changed shape. Lily had heard of it before, ironically in stories told by the one person she wanted to run and hide from at that moment.

Lily was ripped away from her thoughts as the professor cleared his throat, and it seemed like a hoarse "well done, Miss Potter" was all he could muster, but to her surprise he continued speaking in that same voice.

"That's all for today, class dismissed." He sounded quite professorial (and perhaps a tiny bit rushed) and while the other students might have overlooked the slight glimpse of black in his eyes which he still struggled to hide entirely, and the ever so slight crack in his voice, it was clear as day to Lily.

Just like that, the sixth years from Slytherin and Ravenclaw were sent on their way to supper, quite a few of the latter murmuring enviously that the only reason she could conjure a corporal patronus was because she was the daughter of the Chosen One. Resorting to silence, Lily avoided the urge to tell them that being the daughter of the chosen one was nothing to be envious of.

Lily did not find herself alone with her thoughts again until that evening in her dorm. Supper was way too loud, so loud she couldn't hear herself think, courtesy of her many cousins barely seated at the other tables in the great hall. Her older brother attempting to discuss his upcoming NEWTs with her was not of any help either. In all honesty, it still made no sense to her that Albus had been sorted into Slytherin, like herself. He would have been much better suited in Gryffindor – which was not at all what she would've wanted to think of that afternoon in the great hall, but there he was occupying her very distracted mind. Later that evening, when she finally got to resort to loneliness and throw herself exhaustedly on the bed in her silent dorm, she finally managed to bring her childhood stories back to mind.

He had told her many times when she was just a child - a child refusing to go to sleep until Teddy told her the story of his parents. While Teddy had never really gotten the chance to know his parents, there were many people in his surrounding who were happy to tell him stories about them, and he was more than happy to tell Lily in turn. Teddy loved to talk about his parents, despite the greyish colour it reflected in his eyes and hair. Lily was the only one who seemed to understand that, while others often avoided the subject as to not make him sad. And while he loved to tell her stories, little Lily Potter loved nothing more than to listen to them.

Teddy's mum originally had a patronus in the shape of a jack rabbit, one which supposedly had suited her personality perfectly. But when she fell in love with Teddy's dad, her patronus had unexpectedly changed to match his patronus – a wolf. Naturally, Lily had also heard stories of her paternal grandparents: her namesake's patronus had been a doe, and James' had been a stag, as though they were meant to be, soulmates if you may. Harry had even told his children stories of Severus Snape, who had always loved her grandmother, and how his patronus also took the shape of a doe, presumably because Lily Evans had been the love of his life.

It would've all made perfect sense. That is, if Lily were in love with someone who had the patronus of a wolf. However, Lily Luna Potter did not fall in love. She was much more comfortable without that kind of commitment, without that kind of weakness. She was much more comfortable alone. Well, alone besides from the mandatory socializing at family get-togethers or her many discussions with Teddy. And besides from the parties after one too many shots of fire-whiskey, usually ending up in the head boy's dorm with a certain Malfoy, or in a broom closet with the son of her second namesake. Those nights were of a casual nature, although Lily was sure Lorcan would beg to differ if he had any say in it. But that was just the thing; he didn't have a say, nobody did. And that made her feel powerful, rather than the weakness she imagined would follow if she ever did fall in love. And weakness was not a trait she was very fond of seeing in herself, nor anyone else for that matter.

Her mind wandered back to the full corporal patronus she had conjured only hours earlier, and as she tried to make sense of it, there was a lingering feeling at the back of her mind that she already had done just that. Because Lily only knew of one wizard alive who conjured a wolf patronus, and that wizard was not only her cousin's ex-boyfriend. He was also ten years older than her, a Hogwarts professor, her best friend, and not to mention, her god-brother. Thus, Lily could not make sense of it. Because there was no way that Teddy Remus Lupin was her soulmate, and she was positively not harbouring a secret crush on him. She couldn't be. Because if she was, she had just involuntarily revealed a secret so dark that she was unaware of it herself, to half the sixth years at Hogwarts, and even worse, to the subject of that supposed secret himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Madness. Complete and utter madness had taken over Teddy's mind after that afternoon's events. He knew very well what that patronus meant, although he couldn't simply accept it as a fact, could he? Hell no, he would rather retort to thinking that it was a coincidence. She was quite the lone-wolf, his god-sister, that could be it – the explanation he so desperately sought. But no, he knew that wasn't it. She was quite the vixen, the vivid redhead, and having seen his fair share of patronuses, he knew that was the form most likely for her patronus. Yet there it had been, that large, strong, silver wolf – identical to that of his own. Dragging his palms up over his face, he ended up grabbing his hair, which since long had changed from its characteristic turquoise to a bright, anxious orange colour. He was still pacing the common room of his private quarters at Hogwarts, in search of any acceptable logical explanation for the occurrence several hours ago. It was well after midnight, but sleep had turned out not to be an option that night.

After pacing for quite the while, he let his thoughts wander where they hadn't dared to wander earlier. Was she in love with him? He groaned at the thought of it, and tried his hardest to ignore the fastened heartbeat at his chest. No, he decided. She couldn't possibly be. He was old, well too old for her at least, and not too many years ago, he had been engaged to her cousin Vicky. Unlike Lily's epitome of constant calm, he was an irrational mess of emotions which he was ridiculously unable to hide, not to mention the fact that her parents had helped raise him. No. There was no way Lily Luna Potter was in love with him. More likely, she was head over heels for the head boy – not unlike most witches at Hogwarts. It made so much more sense. Except for one little deciding factor; no matter how much more sense it would've made, Lily's patronus had not taken the form of an owl like that of Scorpius Malfoy.

_She is too good for him, anyway._

A flash of red brushed his hair for a second at the thought of Lily with Malfoy, before he caught himself and tried to remain rational. What was that supposed to mean? Yes, Lily was too good for Scorpius Malfoy, but that didn't mean that Teddy was any better for her. In fact, he was the much worse option. Well, no – he was not an option at all, and he had no idea where those ideas had come from. But there was no avoiding them now. The sight of that patronus had most certainly caused a stir in his head, and seeing as it was 3 am and he still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, he was too tired to stop himself. She had been his best friend for as long as he could remember, he decidedly thought. Probably since she was born, small locks of light auburn hair on her head, and the most adorable smile he'd ever seen, rushing back to his mind. That bright orange that had returned to his hair switched to a light auburn for a split second, before a bright redness once again took its place as the thought drove him even more insane, and infuriated with himself. He had pledged to look after that little girl for as long as he lived. Granted, she wasn't a little girl anymore, and in all honesty he hadn't noticed that until she cast that bloody patronus that afternoon. But now that he had seen it, he couldn't make it unseen. She was bloody beautiful, and blokes like himself were just the kind of wizards he was supposed to keep away from her. Yet there he was, catching himself in thoughts of her beauty and whether or not she was too good for him.

_Youngest Hogwarts professor in over a century. Brilliant idea, Teddy. Just bloody brilliant…_

He was probably the worst professor ever to have set foot in the castle, and he was positively the worst god-brother on the planet for even letting these thoughts even brush his mind. He wasn't supposed to think of her in that way, but once he had started, he couldn't seem to bring it to an end. She wasn't one to smile often, being ever the determined introvert. But when she did smile it was like the entire world smiled with her, and when she laughed, Teddy had never been able to keep himself from melting. Merlin, he loved her. How could he not? He had always loved her to insanity, but only in those ways that you loved your best friend. Had that changed, or was he imagining it because of that damned patronus?

The twenty-seven-year-old man, who still felt like quite the adolescent, decided he couldn't take it anymore, he needed his sleep, and he needed to end this irrational mess of emotions. And so, he went to get a bottle of firewhiskey from his cabinet - as though that was supposed to make anything any better. Gulping down the burning liquor straight from the bottle, he threw himself on the armchair and stared at the roof.

They were going to kill him. Harry, Ginny, Jamie, Albus - hell, even old nana Andy. Whoever heard about this damn patronus first was going to kill him. And they were undoubtedly bound to hear about it. It wasn't every sixth year who could conjure a corporal patronus in the first goddamn hour of trying. She was not only beautiful, he thought, she was bloody brilliant too. And there he went again, inappropriate thoughts overwhelming him.

Oh how easy it would've been to just toss all this aside, and conclude that none of it was his fault, that he had no doing in this whole patronus mess. But he couldn't do that. He was no Slytherin. He was the head of house Hufflepuff, and accordingly so, he couldn't exactly claim his innocence – not after the thoughts that had been haunting him all night.

He reckoned this must've been what his father had felt like, back in the war when his mother's patronus had taken the shape of a wolf as well. Of course, he didn't know all the details of how things had played out between the two them. But he did know how it had tortured his father at first, and he did know that there had been thirteen years between them. Thirteen years. That made ten look a hell of a lot better. But then again, his parents had not been god-siblings and practically raised together. And his father had not been his mother's professor, either. He didn't know why he had even gone there. This was nothing like his parents, they were nothing like his parents, because this was all just a stupid coincidence and they were definitely not in love. Teddy gulped down another shot of firewhiskey before getting up from the armchair not noticing how his hair had changed into a greyish brown colour. That was one of the few disadvantages of his birth right and genetic inheritance from his mother, that others often seemed to know how he felt before he knew it himself.

He was just about to stagger into the bedroom, slightly intoxicated, when the portrait acting as the entrance to his quarters opened, and the only person but himself and the headmistress who knew the password, stepped inside, stunning green eyes matching her loose tie.

"Lily"


	3. Chapter 3

"What's got your knickers in a twist, Lupin?"

She managed to remain her cool, even though he was standing there, shirtless with brilliant Slytherin green hair and muggle-like tattoos covering both his arms. Not to mention the bottle of firewhiskey in his right hand, which he already seemed to have had his fair share of. It was like he was trying to make it more difficult. But naturally, he wasn't. Because he was Teddy, ever the Hufflepuff, ever the gentleman.

"Your treat?" she continued, walking over to take the bottle out of his hand, not bothering to let him respond to her first question, because honestly, she had quite a good idea of what it was. Obviously, it was the patronus. Although a Hufflepuff, Teddy was quite the perceptive guy. Of course, he would know what it meant. So now, he was probably losing his mind over believing that she was in love with him, and trying to find a solution so that they could stay friends. She brought the bottle to her lips for a shot, and surprisingly he didn't try to stop her. His hair turned into a mellow brown, and she was certain that it was the thought of losing their friendship that was making him sad.

"Lily…" He started, but she cut him off:

"I know what you're thinking. And I'm going to make it very easy. Obviously, I'm not in love with you. Stupid patronus was a coincidence. Now stop worrying and have another shot, you seriously look like you need it," she ordered and handed him the bottle back after having another drink from the bottle. Sitting down on the sofa, she threw her legs up on the coffee table like she had so many times before, reaching her hand out to get the bottle back as soon as he had a drink. She was going to need more of that.

"Obviously," He agreed, and it almost sounded as if he was mocking her tone, and handed her the bottle. His hair had shifted back to a blueish tone. Not his characteristic turquoise, but much closer to it than the green or brown that he had sported just moments ago. It suited him better, it was more Teddy. Although she had to admit that while the Slytherin green was something entirely knew, she didn't not like it. It was rather… intriguing.

"It's really late Lily-flower, you should probably get some sleep so you don't get cranky," he continued, a small grin making its way to his face. She liked him better like that, smiling. It would kill her to think that she had actually made him sad, even if it was the result of something as unintentional as casting a patronus.

"On the contrary, it's really early, Ted. And cranky is my trademark, I can't very well go cheery all of the sudden. What in Merlin's name would my minions think?" A small smile found its way to her lips as well, and she took another drink from the bottle before handing it back to him. She was quite shocked at the fact that he didn't seem to mind her drinking. Sure, Teddy had always gone out of his way to make her like him, because to be honest, he couldn't stand it when somebody didn't like him. But letting her drink his firewhiskey? Well, that was something new.

"Ah yes, your minions, I had nearly forgotten about them. I'm sure they would love you either way, how could they not?" Nothing had changed between them, not really, but now it seemed like now as he said that word it stung her like a damn billywig. It was like all the sudden, it had a different meaning, and she didn't know what to make of it.

His words had left a silence behind, and she wondered if he had been thinking the same thing she had been. Hell, she wasn't even sure what she had been thinking, or at least she wasn't sure what she was feeling. It was quite the mess, actually; an ample mess of thoughts and emotions. Lily wasn't used to it. As a matter of fact, her mind was ordinarily quite rational, and emotions were quite rare. Not to say that she didn't feel things. She would often feel irritated, amused, and even pleased. But she didn't ordinarily feel things in the same manner that Teddy did, not to the same degree nor in such an unrestrained way. Only feeling it now made her admire him more, as it was unimaginable for her to feel this way all the time. It had been unbearable these last hours, and she could only wonder if it had been the same for him. Judging by that dull brown colour that now graced his hair, she could only guess it had been worse. In all honesty, Lily didn't know what she would do without Teddy. He was the only person who seemed to understand her, the only person who even wanted to listen to her. Well, the only person who made her want to talk about things. And although she couldn't for the sake of Merlin understand why, she knew that it was the same for him. So it did make sense, his mellow colours, his sad tone. What didn't make sense was why he hadn't snapped out of it yet. She had already told him that she wasn't in love with him. Perhaps he didn't believe her?

"I should probably slither back into the dungeons before people start waking up," she said, standing up quite hastily, and the room spun around her for a second before it settled down. Another sign that she wasn't immune to firewhiskey, but for too many reasons, she had already known that. With a small nod to her statement, Teddy got up from his seat next to her and followed her to the portrait.

"Lily." His words stopped her, just as she was about to leave his quarters, forcing her to turn around to face him again, his eyes a familiar deep brown colour.

"I love you," he continued, and she felt a calm return to her. Perhaps that word hadn't lost its meaning after all, and he was still her best friend. How lovely it would be if this overthrowing mess of emotions could just leave her, and this day would just seize to exist. How lovely it would be if things could just go back to normal now.

"I love you too, Teddy-bear," she smiled, before exiting through the portrait and finding herself in the cold corridors of Hogwarts. She didn't mind the cold, nor the darkness. In fact, she appreciated Hogwarts much more like this; silent. And she did rather enjoy the chance to be alone, as she walked through the castle which seemed endless. Naturally, she didn't get to be alone for very long, which wasn't something that should surprise her anymore.

"Creeping around the castle at night, Potter?" He had crept up on her, and she couldn't help but to jump a little at the voice right behind her, no matter how familiar it was. Turning around, the tall blonde was standing mere inches away from her.

"It would certainly seem so," she replied, not feeling persuaded to share her previous whereabouts with the head boy.

"Is that firewhiskey I sense? Care to share?" He was dangerously close to her face now, and any other night she wouldn't have resisted the urge to give in to those persuasive grey eyes and that low, husky voice. Not to mention that maddening damn perfume.

"Not tonight, Malfoy."


	4. Chapter 4

"You didn't tell me you cast a corporeal patronus yesterday!" Albus sounded accusing and excited at the same time, and given how late she had stayed up drinking firewhiskey with Teddy last night, it was way too early in the morning for any such discussions with her brother. It was way too early in the morning for any discussions at all, to be blunt, but she had still made it out into the common room, courtesy of Cosima Zabini, Lily's early-riser roommate. Counting back, Lily figured she had only gotten about four hours of sleep, and while she wouldn't go so far as to say she was hungover, there was undoubtedly a headache on the rise. She let out a small groan at the loud words which had come from her brothers mouth, before tying her messy hair up into a bun.

"I didn't know I was obliged to share my every academic achievement with you, Albus," she replied, her voice slightly hoarse as she realized she was in desperate need of water. Merlin, how much firewhiskey had she had yesterday? She hadn't thought they were drinking that much, but thinking back there hadn't been much left in that bottle when she left.

"It's a patronus, Lils. Not the grading on your Ancient Runes paper…" Lily could tell he was getting irritated with her, and while she normally didn't mind bugging her big-brother, he was making her headache worse.

"Fine! Hey bro, guess what. Yesterday I conjured a patronus. How wicked is that?!" she snapped, mocking his voice, earning a small chuckle from the blonde seated next to Albus on the sofa. She hadn't noticed Scorpius until just then, which was probably another consequence of her drinking last night, because he was nearly impossible to miss with that tall frame and white-blonde hair.

"A life-sized wolf, I heard?" Scorpius asked, joining the conversation as Lily had just seemed finally to have shut Albus up. That didn't last very long of course, as her brother was a most curious person. To be honest, she didn't know how Scorpius did it, being best friends with Albus seemed like an exhausting task and she couldn't quite see what he could possibly be getting out of it. Albus' jaw dropped at his friend's statement, as he seemed to be putting two and two together.

"A wolf? Like Teddy's?" he asked in disbelief. Much like the disbelief she herself had felt when she first saw it, and ever since. Much like the disbelief Teddy must've felt when he first saw it too. She had seen it in his eyes. Thinking back, it had been more than disbelief. That black in his eyes, though only a flash of it, she had seen it before. She couldn't exactly place it though. Most of his colours were obvious to her, she knew them by heart; the dull brown or grey when he was sad, the bright red when he was angry, the…

"Lily?! Are you listening?" Fuck. She had completely zoned out, and the two boys on the sofa were looking at her with quite amusing expressions on their faces. Albus looked like he was choking on something, and Scorpius… well, she could never really read his facial expressions.

"Is there anything going on? Between you and Teddy?" Albus asked, now looking as though he was about to be sick.

"Don't be preposterous, Albus. Obviously, I'm shagging your friend Malfoy, here," she teased, managing to keep her calm, while turning her gaze to Scorpius whose expression changed completely at her statement. In all fairness, Albus' expression hadn't changed at all, and to him, she didn't know what would seem worse. Most likely, he agreed with her father that Lily should stay away from the opposite sex. Preferably forever.

"And you're calling me preposterous? Is this true, Scorpius?" He turned to glare at his friend, who was paler than usual, if that was even possible. The blonde simply shook his head, rather vigorously, at his enraged friend, obviously afraid of making him even angrier. It was absurd to Lily, the fact that Scorpius Malfoy seemed afraid of Albus. But then again, who knew how Albus would react if he really found out about her and his best friend?

"You guys are giving me a headache, and I seriously need some pumpkinjuice," she muttered as she started walking away from the two boys. As though she needed an explanation for walking away from them? This whole situation was seriously messing with her head.

"Sure that's us and not the firewhiskey giving you a headache?" Scorpius teased as she left; something which he probably regretted right away as she could hear her brother interrogating him about how he knew she had been drinking firewhiskey last night. Lily could sense it already, this was going to be a long day.

\---

After a long day of classes, Lily was exhausted. Not only had she been hungover all day after no more than four hours of sleep, but too many people had been approaching her, asking either about her patronus or about what was wrong with Albus, who apparently had been cranky all day. She just wanted to run away from it, lock herself in her room and not see anybody for the next 24 hours. The only problem was that she shared a room with five other seventeen-year-old girls, and they were significantly more talkative than Lily was. So there wasn't really anywhere to go, at least not to be alone. So, she went were she always hid out when things became too much for her, to the one person who never seemed to become too much for her.

"Lily." It was like deja vu, hearing him speak her name like that as she stepped into his office unannounced just like she had last night. Except everything was different. It wasn't yet dark out, and Teddy's hair was its trademark blue. Hell, he was even wearing a sweater, and there was no firewhiskey to be seen. She greeted him with a silent smile before sitting down on the sofa next to him, where they had practically emptied his bottle of firewhiskey not too many hours ago.

"Talk to me. What's wrong, Lils?" It was his magic power, knowing instantly when something was up with her. Well, that and the actual magic, and the fact that he could pretty much transform into anything or anyone by sheer will. He was pretty amazing, her best friend. Her Teddy.

"Just too much talking, today. Can we just be quiet?" She asked, and he responded with a small nod before putting his arm around her shoulders so that she could rest her head against his chest. It was a position she often found herself in when she lost her regular control over her emotions. It was like he knew just how put her back together again. He always did. And no matter how many times they had been sitting like that before, Lily couldn't help but wonder if things had changed. If his arms had become stronger, if his scent had become more masculine, or if his skin had become hotter against hers. Something was clearly different, because no matter how she tried to deny it, it was like the skin on her neck was burning from the touch of his arm.


	5. Chapter 5

Lily didn't know when they had fallen asleep. She had come to his office just after supper to sit down and enjoy the silence for a bit, but that was not quite the situation she found herself in now. It was dark, probably quite late, and the both of them were asleep on his sofa. His hair was back to its beautiful bright turquoise, where he lay asleep with his arms secured around her, keeping her from falling to the floor. Lily was torn; there was something at the back of her mind saying that this was too close for comfort, and that she should probably make a run for it to stay out of trouble. But that other part, the one telling her to get closer - that part prevailed.

Lily wasn't sure how it had happened, and perhaps that was because she still wasn't quite awake. But there she was, pressing her lips onto his, and his instantly responding. Her legs moving to straddle him, and his hands on her hips pulling her even closer. It only lasted for a brief moment, yet it was like nothing else before it. And all the sudden, neither Scorpius nor Lorcan could compare. It wasn't that snogging them had been bad, per se. With Scorpius there was passion, determination and desperation. It was wild and intense. With Lorcan, Lily felt like the only girl in the world, like there was no one else. But this - Teddy. It was like there was no other world, like he was all there was. It was like he was the sun; the force that kept her alive.

And just as she had realized those things, he gently put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. And while his hands felt soft on her shoulders, it felt like he was dragging her into the cold, away from the sun, and that was anything but gentle.

"Lily, I… We can't do this," he mumbled, and tucked a flighty string of hair behind her ear, as his turned into that greyish brown she had seen too much of lately. His grey eyes met hers, and once again she had a difficulty making sense of things.

"Of course not," she said coldly in response, clearing her throat in an attempt to regain control over her emotions – something that hadn't been a problem just a few days back. Moving away from her now awkward position on top of him, Lily stood up and brushed off her skirt as to make the new creases go away, which naturally didn't make much of a difference.

"I should probably leave anyway," she continued, and suddenly it all made sense to her. She had ruined it. She had finally ruined everything. She had kissed him when he was asleep, Merlin, was she stupid. But then again, the way he had kissed her back, it was almost like… like he'd wanted it too. But for all she knew, he had still been asleep and thought it was Victoire. That had to be it. It explained everything, even those sad eyes. She had ruined their friendship, and he knew it. That was why he was wearing the same colours he did when talking about his parents. Because he had lost them, and now he was losing her too.

"Lily…"

"I'm sorry… about all this. If you could just please forget it ever happened," she cut him off, as she was sure she couldn't bear hearing whatever he was about to say. Grabbing her wand from the coffee table, she offered him a sad smile before making her way toward the portrait hole. She could hear him from behind her, trying to explain, make excuses, trying to make her stay. But she was certain he was just trying to make sure he didn't hurt her, or perhaps realizing that he already had and trying to make up for it. It didn't matter, though, because now she knew how he felt, and she had fucked up immensely, which was why she was in such a hurry to get out of there.

\---

Lily didn't get very far before the tears escaped her eyes. She wasn't one to cry often, and she couldn't actually remember the last time she had cried – perhaps because she didn't have much worth crying over, or perhaps because she didn't allow herself to care that deeply about anything. Teddy, however, was a different situation entirely. He was all she had, in a way. Sure, there was no denying that she had a huge family who cared immensely for her. But they didn't know her like Teddy did, they didn't understand her, they didn't even care to try and understand her.

"Are you alright?"

The familiar voice echoed behind her. It was the second night in a row that he had conveniently been out in the corridors at the same time as her, and if he weren't head boy, she would find it odd. But he was probably always out patrolling at this time of night. Lily wiped the tears off her face before turning around to face the second pair of grey eyes that night. Only, these eyes weren't sad. Truthfully, it was the first time she had ever seen Scorpius Malfoy look concerned. Normally when she met his eyes there was a hungry expression to them, or a cold one. But this concerned look, it was new, and she didn't like it. Him being concerned about her implied that there was a weakness to her, that she needed his concern – and she certainly did not.

"No talking tonight." She was determined, not weak, and she did not want to be alone the rest of the night. She knew she wouldn't be able to get any sleep, and she would much rather spend those remaining hours feeling wanted than feeling lonely and unwanted. And when Scorpius kissed her just then, she definitely felt wanted. And when they ended up in his dorm, like they had so many times before, she felt anything but lonely. Even so, it didn't seem to be enough, at least not enough to keep her mind off a certain turquoise-haired professor. Not enough because that terribly painful pit in her stomach was still there, weakening her. Now, if that was love, what an ironic and painful waste of time it was. Especially when you could be spending that time being ravished by the head boy.


	6. Chapter 6

Staying the night was not on Lily's list of acceptable activities, yet somehow, she found herself waking up in the head boy's dorm that Saturday morning, wrapped tightly in the bare arms of her brother's best friend. It wasn't that she opposed to it, or the feeling of it. No, she was simply opposed to the idea of it. There was not, and was never going to be anything other than this between the two of them. They enjoyed the occasional shag, and that was all there was to it. Quite frankly, he was a bit of a prat, and what else could be expected from someone who deliberately chose to be friends with Albus?

"Off," she muttered in an attempt to free herself from his hold. He groaned as he woke up, letting her go to run his hands through his already messy silver-blonde hair. There was no denying that he was fit, even more so newly awaken, which Lily suspected she was not. In fact, Lily was quite the opposite of a morning person.

"See something you like, Potter?" the blonde teased with an annoying grin glued to his face, and she realized that her eyes had probably lingered just a bit too long. Groaning, she tore her eyes off his bare chest and stood up to put on her uniform. Fuck. It was Saturday and she would have to stroll through half the castle, in which half her family resided, wearing her school uniform when everyone else was wearing normal clothes. Now that was a proper walk of shame.

"This is all your fault you know… It's a bloody Saturday and now I have to walk all the way back to the dungeons in this sodding uniform. All because you had to pin me to this fucking bed all night and I happened to fall-"

"That's a lot of swear words, Potter," he interrupted, still wearing that insufferable grin.

"It just so happens, I have the perfect solution to your problem," he continued, and she swore if he didn't stop grinning she would have to hex him.

"Let's hear it then, Malfoy…"

"Well, for starters, it doesn't include that sodding uniform," he teased, and she simply couldn't take it anymore.

"I swear to it, Malfoy, if you don't wipe that bloody grin off your face, I'll do it for you," she threatened, searching her pockets for her wand which apparently, she had misplaced.

"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" he mocked, waving her wand in front of her face. Now, if there was an embodiment of annoying, he was it.

"I have my ways," she mumbled, leaning in towards him, pushing him back down on the bed, their lips dangerously close. Grabbing her wand, she pulled it out of his grip and stood back up, having finally wiped that grin off his face.

"Sorry to disappoint, but this uniform is growing on me," she smirked, as she left the dorm to find herself in the head common room, regretting that she hadn't stayed.

\---

Rose Weasley wasn't thick. Far from it, as she had been elected head girl. And there she was, the poor thing, peacefully reading a book on the common room sofa when her dishevelled younger cousin stepped out of the head boy's dorm in her school uniform, an uncharacteristic smirk glued to her face. Of course, Rose would grasp the situation immediately, and judging from her facial expression, she certainly had.

"Disgusting. Absolutely appalling! I can't even look at you anymore. I thought… What about Lorcan?" The older redhead had stood up from the sofa, her book thrown at the floor, her accusing eyes glued to her younger cousin.

"There is nothing going on between me and Lorcan. And there is nothing going on between me and Malfoy, either, for that matter." Lily realized she was defending herself, not entirely sure what for. This was the kind of reaction she would've expected from Albus, not from Rose.

"Nothing? Well this…" She pointed her hands up and down Lily's form, "doesn't look like nothing," she continued, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What's got your knickers in a twist, Weasley?" The teasing voice came from behind Lily, and it appeared that the head boy had finally decided to come help her out of the situation he had put her in.

"You, Malfoy! I would really appreciate if you didn't drag all your shags into our **common** common room! Especially when they're related to me!" Rose's face was turning red, starting to match the colour of her hair, and Lily did not want to be there for whatever explosion was coming when her line was crossed.

"That's my cue." Lily took the first chance she got to quickly sneak out of the portrait hole and avoid any more of whatever drama was going on in there. She had never seen anyone get on her cousin's nerves like that, and it was still a mystery to her that they both had survived nearly six months of sharing a common room. She would've thought that by now one of them would've at least ended up in the hospital wing. And the fact that Rose hadn't seen Lily in there before was just a straight up miracle, probably curtesy of the fact that Lily had never actually stayed the night before. Seeing the drama it had started, this was definitely the first and the last time she ever did that.

Making her way down the stairs of Hogwarts, Lily was thankful it was still early. It didn't seem like a lot of students were up, and if they were, they were probably already in the great hall having breakfast. Her steps were fast, determined, as she made her way through the corridors. Although she still had the Slytherin common room, and her brother to worry about, it seemed like she might just be able to get back without anyone noticing her.

"Lily."

Fuck. She had jinxed it, thinking that she could get away. And she knew that damn voice. It was the same voice that had brought tears to her eyes last night. It was hoarse, though, as if he had been crying too, or as if he had just caught her in the midst of a bloody walk of shame.


	7. Chapter 7

"Professor." Turning around to face him, Lily realized her tone was not particularly pleasant. She never did argue with Teddy, she hadn't for years. His hair was a dull shade of blue, but he hadn't managed to fool himself with his eyes; they were still the same grey as yesterday evening. She didn't like seeing him like that, but she couldn't bring herself to feel the same way because quite frankly, she didn't know how to handle that kind of emotion. It would break her down completely.

He turned to look over his shoulder at the empty corridor, before grabbing her hand and pulling her into an empty classroom.

"Don't be like that, Lily," he mumbled, rubbing his neck with his right hand, while looking down at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

"Like what exactly? I thought this was what you wanted…" she said, the same tone as earlier stuck on her tongue. She was annoyed with him, although she had no right to be. He wasn't the one who had done anything wrong. In fact, she had practically forced herself on him last night, which perhaps was what she was trying to forget.

"Where have you been?" Suddenly, he had changed the subject and snapped out of whatever cloud of sadness he had been stuck in and was staring right at her.

"Where have I been?" Lily furrowed her eyebrows at the question, trying to grasp what he actually meant by that. His hair was turning brighter, and for once she wasn't able to read him.

"Yes Lily, where have you been? You clearly aren't coming from the dungeons, and you're still in your uniform. So… where have you been?" She could read it now, alright. He was restless, fidgeting with his wand, as his eyes flashed from grey to black for a second, and that beautiful turquoise mess on his head turned red.

"I don't see how that is any of your damn business, Ted. I'm not restricted to the dungeons, you know." It was contagious, his anger. Perhaps it was because she could see how angry he was with her, it was easier to return that anger than to hurt because of it.

"During night-time, yes you are," he was gritting his teeth now, eyes set on a dark grey, as he crossed his arms to stop fidgeting with that damn wand.

"Then I can expect you to report these last two evenings to the headmistress? The firewhiskey… the bloody snogging, huh? Is that it? Or are those restrictions only valid when I'm somewhere other than your quarters? You're such a hypocrite, Ted. What did you expect? I'm seventeen: I'm not a bloody nun!"

"I'm a hypocrite? Did you honestly leave my quarters in the middle of the night just to go straight on to shag someone else?"

Lily barely caught on to what he was saying, because his eyes were turning black, and she had only ever seen those eyes when he talked about his parents' murderers. Those eyes were utterly hateful, and they ran through every façade she had attempted to put up.

"Do you really hate me that much Teddy? Don't think that I can't see it in your eyes. You hate me, don't you? I ruined everything and now you hate me like you hate Lestrange and Dolohov," her tone hadn't changed, but she could feel her eyes watering, because she couldn't imagine anything worse in the world than Teddy Lupin hating her.

"Hate you? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Lily, I could never hate you." Just like that, his eyes were grey again, and he had put his hands on her shoulders, beginning to draw her back from whatever hell she had been in for a few moments.

"Don't lie to me, Teddy. I know what I saw. I know your colours. I saw the hate in your eyes."

"Look at me Lily, I don't hate you… If anything, I hate myself." With that the redness left his hair, and it turned back to the greyish colour it had been yesterday. It didn't make any sense. Him hating her because of what had happened, well, that made sense. But this didn't. Not to Lily.

There was a long moment of silence. Most times, she understood him right away, without having to even think about it. But now she was stuck trying to figure him out.

"Why?" she finally asked, looking up to meet his eyes again. He was closer now, she realized. Closer than he had been when they were yelling at each other. Perhaps he didn't hate her after all.

"Because I hurt you, because I made you cry… Because seeing you this morning… Damn it Lily, I was jealous, alright? I've never been so…"

She didn't need to hear anymore. It finally made sense, and she stopped him mid-sentence by closing the distance between them, her lips crushing against his. His hands ran through her hair, and he kissed her back without a doubt, fully awake this time. For a moment, it was harmony and desperation all at once. For a moment, everything was perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

"Fuck," He groaned, forcing himself to pull away from her. Not because he wanted to, because hell, he had never wanted anything more than he wanted her right now. But then there was that small sense of sanity at the back of his mind, and he knew just how wrong it was. He shouldn't have admitted to his jealousy, he shouldn't have kissed her back. He definitely shouldn't have pinned her up to the damn classroom wall like they were teenagers getting it on in a bloody broom closet. They weren't. Well… he wasn't. He was a fucking professor, and she was the teenager. He was the one who should know better.

"We can't," he continued, turning away from her, running his hands through his hair in anxiety. He had let it go way too far. Thinking about her was one thing. This was something else entirely.

"Why not?" she asked determinedly, and for a split of a second he couldn't think of a single reason, for a split second, all he could think of were those bright green eyes and everything they were saying while she was silent. He tore his gaze away from her and decidedly stared at the floor instead.

"You know why not, Lily. There's a million reasons! Harry, Ginny, James, Albus, Vicky… Hogwarts. The bloody ministry, not to mention your aunt the minister… We can't, Lily. We just can't."

"I'm not hearing one good reason. Since when do you care what other people think? You have turquoise hair for Merlin's sake. And the ministry? Really? What do they have to do with this?" She was getting irritated. Although her colours didn't give her off, like his did, it was obvious to him. It showed in her change of tone, the way her eyebrows furrowed just a little bit, forming a crease on her forehead, and above all in her eyes and the way they were glued to his without an inch of hesitation.

"Everything. They have everything to do with this. They could have me fired, Lily. Arrested even." In all honesty, neither of those things scared him. He didn't care about those things. He didn't care about what might happen to him. He cared about her, and he was not about to take advantage of her, nor cause issues in her family.

"They can't if they don't know about it," she persisted, as she stepped in closer to him and ran her hand through his hair.

"I like this…" she mumbled, absentmindedly, where she stood, dangerously close.

"What?"

"The Slytherin green. It's new. What is it?" For a moment, he had no idea what she was talking about, as he had never actually seen his hair take that colour before. But it soon made all the sense in the world, and he let out a breath, releasing all that irritation he had been carrying. He hated it, arguing with her. They never did argue, but since yesterday it seemed like that had changed. He couldn't stand it, though. It was like all the energy he carried in his entire body wasn't enough to keep arguing with her. It was as if it would tear him down completely, if he did for another second. And so, once again, he found himself telling her things he had no business saying, nor thinking.

"I think that's you, Lily. It's the colour of your eyes, your uniform. It's jealousy, guilt, desire, devotion and affection all at once. It's a fucking wolf patronus on a Thursday class…"

He didn't get to say anything else before her lips were pressed against his again. Yet this time, it was soft rather than firm. It didn't take long until he gave in, yet again, against his better judgement. Because she so easily made him forget all those reasons for why he shouldn't. Because staying away from her just now was the hardest thing he had ever done. Because he knew now what that wolf patronus had meant, even though it didn't make this anymore right.

"You should probably get back to the dungeons," he mumbled, after breaking the kiss, his forehead still lingering on hers. He was in deep trouble, and had no idea how to get out. He knew that getting her to forget about this would be impossible, and more so, making himself forget about it would be even worse. At least Lily was in control of her own emotions, most of the time. Teddy was… well, he wasn't exactly well-known for being able to control his emotions, nor for hiding them well. Back when Vicky left for Paris he'd been forced to take a two-week leave, and when Macmillan had called him a half-breed in fourth year, he had literally transformed into a wolf and chased the Slytherin across the school grounds.

Nodding slightly, she took a step back. It was a relief, in a way, that she was increasing the distance between them. In an entirely different way, it was devastating, and he wanted nothing more than to close that distance again, desperately.

"Can I come see you tonight?" she asked, green eyes glued to his. And although Teddy had never been able to say no to that particular set of green eyes, whether she was asking for ice cream or silence, it had never been quite this difficult before. The mere thought of her sneaking into his quarters that night, or any night for that matter, every night, well… It was a dangerous thought, and one he certainly shouldn't be having.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Lily." It pained him to say it, and what pained him even more was the look in her eyes that followed. He was hurting her, he realized that. It seemed that no matter what he did now, he just kept hurting her, and it was the worst thing he'd ever had to do and he knew it had to stop. He couldn't keep that up, because it would break them both down. And he would not be responsible for breaking her down. He couldn't.

"You need to make up your fucking mind, Teddy. You're saying one thing, but I can see that you're feeling something else. It's just confusing," shaking her head, the girl turned around to leave the classroom to continue her Saturday walk of shame.

"Lily, wait," he mumbled, and for once she actually listened, and turned around to face him. He wordlessly cast a multicorfors spell to transfigure her uniform to a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt, hoping that would spare her some unnecessary embarrassment.

"Thanks," she mumbled in a low voice, without meeting his eyes again, before she turned around and was gone in a matter of seconds. He had hurt her yet again, he had confused her, and now she was gone. Sadness washed over the 27-year-old, turning his colours grey, as he realized that their friendship the way they knew it, was over, and the two of them at Hogwarts together was a disaster waiting to happen.


	9. Chapter 9

Lily was infuriated with herself. Even more so, infuriated with Teddy, which was an unusual feeling. She had told him to make up his mind, and it certainly seemed like he had. A few days later, he had been nowhere to be seen. A new professor had substituted for him, but by the time a few weeks had gone by it was announced that Professor Lewis would take over defence against the dark arts permanently. Lily had no idea where he had gone, nor why. But it seemed quite obvious to her. She had told him to make up his mind, and he had. He didn't want her. Well, that was what she told herself at least. But what bothered her the most was that deep down she knew he did, even though she couldn't bring herself to believe it. His words still echoed in her head every day, and every night: "I think that's you Lily. It's the colour of your eyes, your uniform. It's jealousy, guilt, desire, devotion and affection all at once". What the fuck gave him the right to say such things and then disappear?

To make things worse, Scorpius and Rose went steady, to everyone's surprise, around the same time that Teddy's leave turned out to be permanent, and Lily had never felt worse about herself before. Something had to be seriously wrong with her if Teddy just up and left, and Scorpius ran straight into Rose's arms the first chance he got. For the first time in years, she was separated from Teddy, from the only one she could lean on, and ironically, she had never needed that more. It was quite the change for the girl, who normally didn't feel anything too intensely, to feel so fucking broken. To feel lonely, when normally she wanted nothing more than to be alone.

"Alright. Talk to me, what is going on with you?" Albus blurted out after storming into the sixth-year girls' dorm. Thankfully, the rest of its inhabitants were in the great hall for breakfast, saving her some embarrassment.

"This is the girls' dorm, Albus. You're not supposed to be in here," she muttered, turning her back on him where she lay in her bed, trying to avoid her overly curious older brother.

"You didn't answer my question, Lily. What's wrong?" His stubbornness was nothing new, but she didn't understand why he was expecting her to spill her heart to him. They had never been close like that, not like him and James.

"Nothing is wrong. Now leave me alone, please."

"You don't leave your dorm, you barely eat, you don't even make quidditch practice, so don't tell me nothing's wrong. Do I have to owl mum, or are you going to tell me if it's Scorpius or Teddy?"

Lily was stunned. Either he had not just said that, or she had seriously underestimated her brother. She had no idea how he had found out about Scorpius, and that was one thing. Scorpius might have told him for all she knew. The mention of Teddy, however, was an entirely different matter. Nobody knew about her and Teddy, not a soul. Sure, it was possible that he was just referring to her friendship with Teddy, but it certainly sounded like he was implying something else.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she muttered, failing at keeping an even tone. She was a much better liar, usually, but now that she would've needed that quality the most, it was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm not thick, Lily. You're clearly upset, and I know it's one of them. Now you either tell me about it, or I'm owling mum."

"Obviously, I'm not upset over your slag of a best friend," she muttered, truthfully, although her tone said differently. Sure, perhaps there was a tiny part of her that was upset with him for throwing himself right into a relationship with her cousin without a word to her about it, but not nearly enough to cause this kind of emotion in the girl. He hadn't hurt her. He couldn't possibly, as they weren't exclusive, and as there had never been an actual 'them' at all.

"So it's Teddy then? I knew it!" Uncharacteristically, Lily's chin dropped at her brother's statement, and she sat up in bed to turn and face him. It didn't make any sense what so ever that her brother would know anything about her and Teddy, anything other than the fact that they both had a wolf patronus.

"Wait what? You knew what exactly?" It still lingered, the idea that he actually meant something entirely different than how it sounded to her. Maybe he just meant that he knew she was upset about him leaving, because he was her best friend. And she wasn't just about to reveal her deepest secrets to her brother because he made it seem like he already knew about them.

"I knew there was something going on. First the wolf-patronus, and then you came back from his office really late, and…"

"Albus Severus Potter. How could you possibly know where I had been?"

"Well… James gave me the marauder's map when he graduated, and…"

"You were spying on me?!"

"Well yes, but I was worried about you. And you know, with James out of Hogwarts and me being the only other Slytherin in the family… it's kind of my job to look after you,"

"I am perfectly able to look after myself, and either way, that sounds more like Teddy's job, yours is to look after Rose."

It was true. There were unspoken rules like these in her family. While most of the Weasleys seemed to look after each other, some were inevitably closer than others. James had always been looking after Albus, who in turn had looked after Rose, who looked after Lucy, and so on. Teddy was the one who had always been looking out for Lily, who, being the youngest and the least social of the bunch, wasn't really responsible for anyone. Well, she did look out for Teddy, she always had. Even when she was just a kid, Lily had always had his best interest at heart. Whether it was covering for him about sneaking out, or jinxing anyone who dared hurt him, including Vicky.

"So… did he? Look after you? Because if not, I'll have to bat-bogey hex him…"

" **If** I tell you anything, you need to swear you won't tell a soul. And if you even try to hex Teddy I will personally return the favor."

"Alright, I promise, Lily. Just tell me already."

"He… He drives me crazy, Albus. One minute he's pushing me away like I'm a stupid little girl, and the next he's pretty much declaring his undying love. I told him to make up his mind, and that same week he was just gone without a word…"

"I don't know, Albus. I don't know how to do this. I've always had Teddy, you know. No matter what. I don't know how to do anything knowing that I don't anymore."

Crying in front of her brother was something new, something she didn't appreciate the least bit. She didn't want his pity, nor anyone else's for that matter.

"He's with the ministry," he finally let out, after awkwardly placing a hand on his sister's shoulder when catching glimpse of a tear on her cheek.

"Jamie told me that dad allowed him late admittance to the auror training programme because he was pretty much over-qualified either way. To be honest I think dad's been waiting for him to apply ever since he graduated."

It didn't make any sense. Teddy had never expressed that he wanted to be an auror, he had always been perfectly happy teaching. But that just added to the list of things Lily had ruined for him. Now, because of her, he would spend the rest of his life working with something he didn't really want to do. And now Albus, of all people, was telling her where he had gone, because he had heard it from James. That would be difficult getting used to, hearing how Teddy was doing from her brothers, when all her life she had been the first person he told about pretty much everything.

"You better not have said anything to James," she hissed at her brother, suddenly ripped out of whatever self-pity she had found herself stuck in for weeks. James finding out would be disastrous. Her oldest brother didn't have an ounce of patience, and had inherited his fair share of Weasley hot-headedness. James wouldn't have any sympathy for Teddy if he found out, and then Lily would have to add on to her terrifying list of how she ruined Teddy's life.

"Relax, Lily. He doesn't know anything. I won't tell anyone… Just promise you'll get out of this room more often."

Nodding slowly, the girl relaxed a little bit. For once, her brother was right. She had been pitying herself, and it was downright embarrassing. She wasn't that weak. She wouldn't be. Not anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Time had passed slowly since Teddy left, and while things were easier since Albus told her about his whereabouts, things were still far from easy. Rather than staying in her dorm, pitying herself, Lily had been studying to ace her exams during daytime, and drinking to avoid her brand new and quite terrifying emotions, at night. While she hated to admit it, she had actually found some comfort in having Albus close. Thankfully, Lorcan's attention towards her hadn't shifted, which was probably how she survived getting pissed without resorting to crying and sending Teddy owls in the middle of the night. In an odd way, she needed it – the attention that was. After spending weeks convinced that she was worthless and unattractive, following Teddy's disappearance and Scorpius' obvious lack of interest, it was quite reassuring having the younger Ravenclaw adore her.

It was the night before graduation, the night of the last party of the school year – to many seventh years, the unofficial graduation party. It was tradition to throw the party in the head boy and girl's common room, which Lily had hoped Rose would put a stop to. She hadn't. The sixth year Slytherin girls had shared a bottle of fire whiskey in their dorm before the party, playing some stupid drinking game that involved a flask of verita serum that Brown had snatched from Slughorn's office. Thankfully, no one had gone so far as to ask her if she had ever snogged a professor, and all they managed to find out about Lily were irrelevant trifles, and the fact that she had previously been shagging Malfoy, which was pretty much common knowledge in Slytherin house by now.

\---

"I owe you an apology." It was a clearly drunk Rose Weasley that had made her way up her younger cousin at the party, who was ungraciously sitting in Lorcan Scamander's lap. He had grabbed her and sat her down there a while ago, and was still possessively holding his arms in a tight grip around her. Normally, she would mind being manhandled like that. However, because of the vast amount of firewhiskey she had consumed, and because she was in Scorpius' and Rose's fucking common room, she didn't mind if he let people (or at least the head boy) think she was his.

"Is that so?" Lily replied, with a characteristic careless tone. But she did have her suspicions about what Rose wanted to apologize for, and it was not a discussion she wanted to have in front of a very possessive Ravenclaw boy, so she freed herself from his grip and dragged her older cousin into the bathroom where they could talk privately. She had never really been very good friends with Rose, like Albus had, but the poor girl looked positively ruined with guilt in her very drunken state.

"I'm sorry, Lily. Scorpius… I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to hurt you and… There is probably some kind of girl code, or a cousin-code and it was wrong of me. Please can you forgive me?" Oh fuck, she was crying. Rose did obviously not know how to handle her liqueur, and come to think of it, Lily had actually never seen her drunk before.

"Relax Rose. You couldn't hurt me if you tried. And there is no such thing as a cousin-code. If there was, I broke it long before you did, so don't worry about it."

The eighteen-year-old stopped sulking and took a relaxed breath at her words. Thank god it had helped, Lily had no idea how to deal with these emotions, especially when it was someone other than her who was having them.

"Wait what?" In what seemed like seconds, Rose had snapped out of her emotional state and was looking at her cousin with curious eyes.

"You broke the cousin-code before I did?" she continued, and not until then did Lily realize what she had let on. Of course the fucking verita serum would last longer than that hour of 'truth or dare', Lily had been stupid to join the bloody game in the first place. Needless to say, drinking verita serum before a party was a terrible idea, especially when having drunken heart-to-hearts with your cousin.

"Rose, I already told you there is no cousin-code," she responded, in an obvious attempt to change the subject, but her heart rate was increasing. Damn that fucking verita serum, damn her fucking dorm mates, and damn that inexistent cousin code.

"Lily Luna Potter, I will not accept that ridiculous evasion. Now I don't have any exes, and Lorcan hasn't dated any of our cousins, so you better tell me what you meant!"

"This is extremely unfair, I am under the influence of a bloody verita serum, Rose. Please don't make me do this," she pleaded, again, uncharacteristically for the Slytherin that she was.

"Well, I didn't make you take any verita serum so I hardly see how that is any of my business. Now, tell me which cousin you broke the code on."

There was a silence that followed. Lily was doing her best to glue her lips together, at least long enough for the serum to wear off. But it was all inevitable now. She could maybe hold it off for a few seconds, but Rose Weasley was going to find out, and she was probably going to tell the entire bloody family.

\---

"Victoire," she blurted out, slamming her fist in the wall the second after she had given in to the potion and revealed her deepest darkest secret to yet another member of the family.

Rose's brown eyes were glued to her own, as her head slowly dropped with her realization. At first, it was a very confounded look that graced her eyes, then shock, and finally, that very recognizable aggravation.

"You shagged your own god-brother and professor? Bloody hell, Lily, why are you telling me this?! I swear we are both going to hell!"

"Because you made me tell you, remember?! And NO I did not shag Teddy, I merely tried to." She literally wanted to curse herself for saying these things, and if it weren't for the serum she would never, ever, have told Rose, nor anyone else, these idiotic things.

"Fuck, Lily. That's just plain repugnant! What is he, ten years older than you? And he was engaged to Vicky just two years ago. What in Merlin's name were you thinking?"

"Woah, easy there with the accusations, Rosie. You stole Malfoy away from me, remember? Obviously, I wasn't thinking. And it doesn't matter anyway because he wants nothing to do with me, to the fucking degree that he straight up and left his job. Apparently, I nothing but repulse men and should consider becoming either a nun or a lesbian."

"I think Lorcan would beg to differ…" Rose suggested, well aware that Lily was anything but repulsive to the opposite sex, horrified at the thought of Scorpius being in that category.

"Lorcan is not a man, Rosie. He's a boy," Lily said matter-of-factly, and both girls burst out into laughter at the comment. It was strange how the two girls who had pretty much nothing in common, and who had never really gotten along, were suddenly comfortable in each other's company. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or the verita serum, or the awkwardness of their situation with the cousin-code. Either way, hysterically laughing with Rose in the heads' bathroom wasn't nearly as terrible as she would've thought it would be.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? Not even Scorpius…" Lily said, more seriously, after the laughter had died out.

"You can trust me, Lily. Just… don't break the cousin-code on me, will you?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."


	11. Chapter 11

Lily had never been fond of Weasley graduation dinners, which were recurring nearly every year. Granted, given the size of their family, they were much more like parties than dinners. This one, however, she going to attend without any objections, despite the lingering hangover. It had been months since she last saw Teddy, and the last time she had gone that long without seeing him was nearly ten years ago, back when he was away at Hogwarts. Under normal circumstances, Teddy attended more Weasley family dinners than Lily did. However, due to their current situation, Lily wouldn't call the circumstances of this evening normal, so she couldn't be sure he would show up. She hoped he would, though, because she missed him to insanity. And although she was angry with him for leaving without a word, and angry at herself for driving him away, she would forget about that in a second if she could just see him again, talk to him again… hold him again.

The train ride back to Kings Cross Station had been long and unbearable. Not only did yesterday's firewhiskey make her want to throw up in every turn, but she was anxious to come back, to see if Teddy would be there for the dinner. It was an odd feeling, being excited about going to a Weasley family dinner, and it was entirely new to Lily. Well, perhaps not entirely new, but it was a feeling she hadn't had since before she began her education at Hogwarts. It seemed like this year had been, and continued to be, full of new feelings. She had mixed feelings about leaving Hogwarts, this time, because she knew that when she would come back, it wouldn't be the same. Teddy wouldn't be there, and neither would Albus, Scorpius… hell, she was even going to miss Rose, now that she thought about it. The only person who would still be there, with whom she still had some kind of a relationship, was Lorcan. And in all honesty, she didn't see that going anywhere. Sure, her dorm mates would still be there, but she didn't really fit in with them all that well. They were all quite the extroverts, loud and girly, and if Lily had any choice she'd much rather be left alone in silence. Her cousin Hugo would still be there, but he was ever the Gryffindor, a bit too much like his father, and Lily hadn't voluntarily spent any time alone with him since she was nine. So, already, a full two months before she would be coming back to Hogwarts as a seventh year, she knew it was going to be one lonely year. And despite being the girl who considered herself happy when getting her alone-time, she dreaded it. It wasn't the kind of loneliness she wanted, and quite honestly, she wasn't sure if she could take it.

The train whistle signalling their arrival to London pulled her out of her deep thought, and back to reality. It was summer holidays, and on the good side, she might get to see Teddy tonight. On the bad side, she would have to spend two whole months in a house with her parents. Hopefully, Albus wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to move out, because quite frankly, she had started to get used to having him around. And the idea of being alone with her parents for two whole months was tormenting, least to say. Harry and Ginny greeted them at the platform, along with Lily's uncles and aunts who still had children at Hogwarts. Truthfully, most of her cousins had graduated already, and next year's graduation dinner would be the last for quite some years. As Albus, Rose and Roxanne were graduating this year, only Lily and Hugo remained, and while it was quite a relief to Lily, Hogwarts wouldn't be quite the same when it wasn't stuffed to its edges with Weasleys.

The remainder of the day was rather uneventful, and while unpacking and getting dressed, all she felt she was doing was waiting. Waiting to go to the Burrow, waiting to see Teddy. He had to be there, he always was. And he was completely unable to turn down grandma Molly's cooking. However, what Lily hadn't really considered, was the fact that everybody would be there, which was certainly thrown in her face as soon as she arrived. Rose was there, and she had brought Scorpius, the treacherous prat. Naturally, Albus was there. Victoire was there, with her newest French boyfriend, and James was there - deep in discussion with Teddy, her Teddy, about their auror training. He had come. Despite everything, despite knowing that she would be there, Teddy had come. For a flash second, their eyes met, and Lily could swear that his eyes matched her green ones. But then Freddie threw himself in front of his youngest cousin, as usual with a mocking grin on his lips.

"Well, well. How nice of you to grace us with your presence, Princess. One might think you'd be otherwise occupied snogging a certain god-brother in a dark corner somewhere."

Lily felt her whole body stiffen at her older cousin's remark, but managed to remain her calm.

"What in Merlin's name are you implying, Fred?"

"Weren't you awfully cosy with the Scamander boy last night?"

"That's none of your business," she hissed quickly, and relaxed for a moment as she realized he hadn't been talking about Teddy. It was true, Luna was her godmother, but of course her thoughts had immediately raced to Teddy at the mention of her god-brother. She quickly scanned the room to meet his eyes again, which weren't anywhere near green anymore. Lily wasn't sure when the colour had drained from his face; if it was at Fred's first or second statement. Either way, there he stood, pale white skin against eyes the darkest shade of brown, just staring at her for a second, before turning around and making his way towards a bathroom.

She didn't see much more of him that evening, well, at least not in private. At the dinner table, she got to hear him make evasions as to why he had so suddenly quit his job at Hogwarts to become an auror. Apparently, it was a career he has always wanted to take up, and an opportunity had presented itself as Professor Lewis had turned up and expressed his interest in the position. Lily knew it was nonsense, as Teddy wasn't the best liar in the world, but it was still calming; hearing his voice, seeing him smile, if even from a distance.

He was the first to leave, flooing away, denying her any chance of talking to him. Part of her knew it was jealousy she had seen in his eyes when Fred mentioned Lorcan, the same jealousy she had seen when he caught her coming back from Scorpius' dorm that Saturday morning a few months ago. Another part of her was convinced that those ideas were just schoolgirl nonsense, that he was more likely angry at her for ruining their friendship and nearly being exposed in front of the whole family.

\---

Several butterbeers later, Lily found herself being dragged into a bathroom by her cousin Rose, much like the previous night at Hogwarts.

"Blimey, Lily! You forgot to mention the fact that he's in LOVE with y…" Pressing a palm to Rose's mouth seemed to shut her up, momentarily.

"Muffliato," the younger redhead whispered, with a small wave of her wand, knowing that she wouldn't be able to keep her cousin silent much longer.

"I just thought you had tried your luck with him. But this, Lily? It's just plain insanity, and I can't believe I missed it. You love him too, don't you? How the hell did this happen? Who else knows?"

Once Rose started talking, it was nearly impossible to shut her up, but at some point, she stopped to take a breath, and Lily tried to process what she had just heard. She had never dared to play with the thought before, but hearing it out loud, there was no denying it. She did love him, more than anything. But could Rose be right? Was he in love with her, too? It was a scary thought. Scary and goddamn overwhelming. It was like her insides melted and froze simultaneously, as if she was finally seeing the light, but at the same time was preparing for a bloody war. She had never been more nervous in her life, yet it was a nerve-wrecking feeling she didn't want to rid herself off.

"I conjured a patronus…" she mumbled, green eyes hesitatingly rising from the floor to meet brown ones.

"It was some months ago now, in defence class. A wolf… Just like his."

As Lily sunk down along the wall to sit ungraciously and dejected on the floor, Rose's eyes widened in realization.

"Nobody knows, except for you and Albus. And Teddy - naturally. I'm sure he would hate me even more if he knew I told anyone."

"Trust me: that man does not hate you, Lily. Now, I'm not saying it's a good thing, but anyone can see that he absolutely adores you."


	12. Chapter 12

Drinking, dancing and having way too private conversations with Rose in bathrooms seemed to become quite the theme that summer. Despite their different situations where Lily was endlessly tired of boys (and all their bullshit) and Rose was floating on pink clouds over Scorpius, the two redheads had spent a lot of time together. Perhaps it was because they were both quite lonely that summer, as Teddy was nowhere to be seen, Albus spent all his awake (and asleep) time with his new girlfriend, and Scorpius was abroad with his family (and uncle Ron had forbidden Rose from going anywhere with that bloody _ferret_ ). So that left the two of them, determined to live a boy-free summer. Well, Rose wasn't **as** determined, as she didn't have much of a choice, but she was eager to join her cousin on whatever adventures she came up with. They had been to pubs and clubs all over the place. They had even visited their uncle Charlie in Romania, where the clubs didn't close until sunrise, and the firewhiskey was actually set on fire. And while they did have a no boys rule, they always ended up talking about just that, and two of them in particular.

It was mid-July, and the pair that had come back from sunny Romania a week earlier found themselves at Obscuro, the largest wizarding nightclub in London, teaching the bartender how to set the firewhiskey on fire. After one too many fiery shots, courtesy of said bartender, Lily was stumbling across the dancefloor in way too high heels, and Rose was nowhere to be seen. What Lily did catch glimpse of when scanning the room, however, was a head of turquoise hair. As she circled back, it was gone, replaced by blonde, and a pair of eyes mirroring her green ones looked back at her. She hurried across the dancefloor, her eyes set on the ever changing figure making its way away from her. Finally, she managed to grab the wrist of a middle-aged man with pitch black hair.

"Edward Remus Lupin, don't you dare run away from me!"

As he turned around to face her, he transformed back into his usual self, disappointment obvious across his face at his failed attempt of getting away. He smelled of firewhiskey, just like that night when she had come to see him after conjuring the patronus, and of muggle cigarettes. It drove her crazy, and in the back of her drunken mind she cursed him over having to smell just like bloody amortentia. She couldn't elaborate on that thought, though, because all of the sudden, his lips were glued to hers, and she was wrapped in his arms right there on the dancefloor, wondering if she was dreaming. It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before, because that they definitely had. But to Lily, this felt entirely new. He had never initiated anything before. He had let his tongue slip a few times, saying wonderful things he so obviously regretted immediately, but now he was confirming those words – words she had doubted for months. There was a wolf whistle hanging in the air, presumably from his friends as he let go of her with one arm for a second to send a silent jinx in their direction, before shoving his wand back into his pocket and entwining his fingers with hers.

"Let's go home," she mumbled, her hand wrapped in turquoise hair, so caught up in the moment that it felt like wherever his home was, that was hers too. In a way, it had always been like that, but things were different now. She seemed to have forgotten about the fact that she had no idea where he lived now, no less the fact that she hadn't seen him in over a month. But he just nodded in response, taking her hand and leading her out of the building into the warm summer rain of London.

\---

Lily wasn't the kind of girl who normally enjoyed waking up in someone's arms, in fact, it scared the hell out of her. Waking up in Teddy's arms, however, was a whole different matter. Sure, she had the hungover she deserved, but she was in heaven waking up to turquoise hair, soft tattooed skin and the lingering smell of cigarettes. She couldn't help but to smile as she buried her nose in the small of his neck, placing soft kisses along his neck and shoulder.

"Morning," he mumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around her and pulling her closer. Hell, she could stay there forever.

"Hey," she replied, breathing the moment in, afraid that she was going to wake up and realize it was all a dream. But she didn't wake up. And it wasn't a dream, although it sure as hell felt like one.

"Are you okay?" He asked, apparently really waking up as he genuinely sounded concerned now, as if he had hurt her. As if he had wounded her (non-existing) innocence, or persuaded her into having sex with him. It was ridiculous and entirely uncalled for.

"Am I okay? Seriously, Teddy. I'm a little hungover but I've never been better. In fact, I'm so okay I'm going to get up and make you pancakes," she said with a smile, and placed a lingering kiss on his lips before sitting up on the bed and putting on a sweater that was lying on the floor. As a matter of fact, it seemed like a lot of his things were just lying on the floor, and despite the fact that it had been months since he left Hogwarts, he didn't seem to have much furniture either.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he mumbled, rolling over to the side to place a hand on her back where she was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry for what? Leaving me alone at Hogwarts without saying goodbye? For not letting me know where you were or if you were okay? For not answering any of my owls? Apology accepted."

"Well… that too. But about last night. I shouldn't have… I took things way too far and being pissed is no excuse, I'm supposed to be the adult here and…"

"Excuse me? I will not sit here and listen to this, Teddy. I'm also an adult, and a free woman for that matter. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions, and this was by no means 'you taking things too far'. I've missed you, Teddy. And at least yesterday, it seemed like you had missed me too."

"I'm sorry. Of course I've missed you, Lils."

"Stop apologizing. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I cost you your bloody dream job. Won't you come back, Teddy? To Hogwarts?" She hated it. The idea that she had ruined his career – his life. She had been pushy and stubborn (as always) and she had finally managed to push him away, at his expense.

"I'm perfectly happy as an auror, and that was not your fault. It would've been inappropriate for me to stay there..."

"Because of me…" she admitted, shifting her gaze from the wall in front of her to the floor. It was all her fault.

"No. Because of how I felt about you."

"Past tense?" she mumbled, as if he had already given her the answer. Felt. He had felt something for her, but he didn't anymore. Perhaps because it had been so long, or because he had heard about Lorcan at that stupid graduation dinner.

"Past, present, future. You're not going to make me choose one, are you?"


	13. Chapter 13

As Lily made her way towards his kitchen, she wore a ridiculous smile on her lips. Now, she could get used to this: waking up in his arms, wearing his jumper, which was way too big for her, and getting up to make him pancakes. It was almost too good to be true, and knowing herself and her usual bad luck, it probably was. But that couldn't possibly get to her now. Not when he had, once again, pretty much confirmed his love for her. Well, he had never really said those words, nor would she in a million years. But when she had asked him about his feelings for her being in the past, he had told her they were in the past, present and future. In one way, it warmed up her frozen insides and made her happier than she could've ever imagined being, but in another way, it scared her half to death. Sure, she had always loved Teddy, more than life itself, and she always would. But she had only recently started to fall _in_ love with him, and quite honestly, Lily had never imagined herself falling in love with anyone, no less her god brother and best friend. While it was hard for her to wrap her mind around these things, one thing was clear; while she was insanely happy, she was still scared. Scared of hurting him, of losing him, of pushing him away, of him pushing her away, of her family finding out… She was scared of so many things, and that was yet another new feeling for Lily.

Lily was just in the process of charming the pancake batter to pour itself into the pan when she heard the familiar crackle of the floo from the other room, followed by an even more so familiar voice.

"Oi, Lupin! Where in Merlin's name did you go last night? The lads said you might have a lady visitor, but I reckon that's a tad unrealistic!"

Lily's heartrate increased tenfold as her eldest brother's voice rung through the apartment, and she froze completely as she heard his footsteps moving towards the kitchen. Fuck. There was really no easy way out of this. Sure, she could hide, but he would probably find her within minutes. There was no way in hell she could face him like this, wearing nothing but lace knickers and Teddy's jumper, so that only left her one choice. She would have to apparate out of there right away, and thankfully, she was already holding her wand. His footsteps were gaining on her, and she could hear Teddy throwing himself out of the bed in the other side of the apartment, as she searched her desperate mind for a place she could go, because she certainly could **not** go home.

"James, don't come in here! Just wait, I'll be there in a second!" Teddy was yelling, and he would've sounded stressed out even without the sound of shattered glass. The sound of footsteps didn't stop though, and she could hear the gloat in her brother's voice as he replied.

"Do I smell pancakes? I'm starving…"

The handle on the door between the kitchen and the living room was pushed down, and Lily disappeared with a pop just seconds before the two young men came rushing into the kitchen from separate directions – one gloating, and the other shirtless and positively anguished.

"Bloody hell, Teddy. You really did have a witch in here, didn't you?" James grinned, as he went to the stovetop and began shoving his face with blueberry pancakes.

\---

A split second later, Lily appeared in Rose Weasley's living room, immensely thankful that her cousin had moved out of her parents' house that summer.

"Merlin, Lily. I would ask where you disappeared to last night, but that outfit certainly speaks for itself, doesn't it?" Rose said, after getting over the initial chock of having someone apparate into her living room. Lily felt her cousin's eyes glaring at her, and looked down at herself, instantly even more thankful that she hadn't been forced to apparate anywhere else. The Hufflepuff-yellow jumper with a big T knitted in the centre, was too big, yet it barely covered her arse, and quite frankly, there would've been no way to explain this situation to anyone else in her family.

It didn't take long until both girls burst into laughter at the absurdness of the situation, and at Lily's quite obvious failure in regards to the no boys rule they had set for the summer.

"So… what happened?" Rose asked, as the laughter had died out, and the two cousins were spread out on the living room sofa.

"Last night or this morning?"

"Really, Lily? Tell me everything!"

"I was looking for you at the club, and I saw him. He tried to change his appearance and run away but I stopped him and… he kissed me. Then we went back to his place, and I'm sure you don't want to hear all the details about that…"

"No thanks," Rose chirmed in.

"Well this morning I got up to make pancakes, and who do I hear coming out of the bloody floo if not my insufferable brother?!"

"James?!" Rose looked as terrified as Lily had felt, which only confirmed her fear as to how her brother would've reacted if he had found her like that.

"Correct. So, I apparated out of there before he could find me and this was the best place I could think of," she concluded, having told her cousin a very short version of a very complicated story.

"So… What now? Are you still avoiding each other, or … are you a thing?"

"I honestly don't know, Rose. I mean I wish I could wake up with him every day, and it kills me to be away from him… But he was pissed last night, what if he just thinks it was a mistake? And what if we ruin our friendship?"

"I think you're way past that point by now, Lily. Do you even want to go back to just being friends with him?"

"I suppose not," she replied, realizing how serious their discussion had suddenly become. And while he was, and would always be, her best friend. She could not imagine a life being **just** friends with him, seeing him with someone else, or being away from him for that matter. Rose was right. They were past the point of no return, and sooner or later, Lily would have to face her fears.


	14. Chapter 14

"Seems like someone had fun last night," Ginny mocked, glaring at Lily over the newspaper, as she entered the kitchen later that afternoon wearing Rose's clothes, and her shoes as well for that matter. Hopefully her parents weren't too familiar with her wardrobe seeing that she spent most of her time at Hogwarts.

"Where in Merlin's name have you been? Not a word from you in twenty-four hours, your mother has been worried sick! Who knows what could've happened to you? I've heard terrible things about that Obscuro-place." Harry had wasted no time getting up from his chair and pulling Lily into a tight embrace. Least to say, her father was quite overprotective and most likely, it was him rather than Ginny who had worried all night.

"I'm alright. I spent the night at Rose's. It got late so I didn't want to wake you. And I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of it, you don't hear for me in weeks when I'm at Hogwarts…"

"That's funny, because Rose flooed us in the middle of the night asking if you had come home. And I could've sworn you wore your black skirt yesterday, didn't you? Where did it go?" Ginny sure was a bloody good investigator, much like grandma Molly, but thankfully she didn't have a kitchen clock tracking her location twenty-four seven.

"Alright, mum. Here I am trying to spare you lot the details, but if you **must** know I met someone at the club and spent the night…"

"Gross, Lily. I don't think anyone wants to hear the details about your non-existent love life." Albus chirmed in as he poured her some wine, as if he knew she was going to need it, although he was obviously unaware of her hangover.

"And what makes you think that anyone wants to hear, and see, you and Alice snogging day in and day out, Albus?"

"Don't change the subject Lily. You were at Obscuro last night, too? I didn't see you there… and how on earth did you even get in? You're only…"

"Seventeen, James. I'm seventeen. That's how I got in." Great. Her entire bloody family were discussing last night's events, and seeing that James had almost walked in on her making pancakes in Teddy's Weasley-jumper this morning, she'd rather avoid this discussion before he came to any conclusions.

"Well, there's a 20+ age limit, Lily, so that doesn't really explain anything…"

"What can I say? Being a witch has its benefits."

"That's enough. Boys, get off your sister's back. Lily, I need you to be more careful. Don't go home with strangers…"

"Or anyone..." Ginny had been interrupted by Harry, who was back sitting in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, and green eyes glaring at his daughter as if he was the head auror and she was Lord fucking Voldemort.

"How do you even know if it was a stranger?" Lily argued defensively, realizing quite soon that she should not have said that, as her entire family was looking at her with wide eyes, Albus more so than the others.

"It's someone we **know**?!" Fuck. James was losing his mind, and Lily was not ready for her entire family to find out about a relationship she wasn't even sure existed yet.

"Of course not. It was just a question. Can we please talk about someone else now? James, did you shag anyone lately?"

"Enough, Lily!" Apparently, Harry wasn't fond of discussing these matters with his children, and Lily knew that it was different with her. He had always treated her differently than James and Albus, and she could never really put a finger on why, but it bothered her massively. Perhaps it was because she was a girl, or it was because she was the youngest, or because they had never really had anything in common (except for a surname, green eyes and quidditch). Either way, he obviously didn't approve of such words coming out of her mouth.

"Let's just eat and forget about this, shall we?" Ginny remained calm, levitating the food from the stovetop to the table. It took a lot to upset Ginny, which Lily was extremely thankful for. But once that line was crossed, which had happened a few times, her mother could become a real nightmare. Thankfully, it took a lot more than Lily spending the night with some wizard to upset her mother. Perhaps if Ginny knew who that wizard was, the evening would've ended on a much more dramatic note. But despite everything, it was a quite calm evening. Both of her brothers looked suspicious throughout the dinner, which left Lily sitting on the edge of her seat. And while she was the one who couldn't wait to get out of there, both James and Albus left long before she got the chance to.

Finally, her parents went to bed. It was late, and despite how full their house had been that evening, Lily felt lonely. She couldn't talk to them. She never really had been able to, at least not without getting into an argument, which was exactly what had happened tonight. She couldn't wait to get out of there. Hell, she couldn't even wait to get back to Hogwarts, even though she knew Teddy probably wasn't coming back. At least now she knew where to find him. At least now she didn't have to lay awake all night wondering where he was and whether he was okay. And with that thought, Lily left Grimmauld Place with a pop.

\---

Lily reappeared in the same spot in Teddy's kitchen where she had disapparated that same morning, although by now it felt like forever ago. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk that morning, and Lily realized she was scared to death by now. He was her safe-place, her home, but what if he pushed her away again? What if he pushed her away now? That was beyond what she could bare, and the mere thought of it had tears running down the cheeks of the seventeen-year-old who never allowed herself to cry.

"Lily."

There was a familiarity to that, her name leaving his lips when he first saw her. There was something about the way he said it, and she couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing.

"What happened?" He made his way through the room and wrapped her in a tight embrace, an act that should've made her feel safe and calm, but which in reality, for some odd reason, seemed to break her down even more. Because having him hold her like that made it even worse to think of never being in his arms again. Suddenly, Lily understood exactly what he had meant that morning; past, present, future. In a sense, they had grown up together. And Teddy had been her best friend for as long as she could remember, the only one she could turn to. And she couldn't imagine a future without him without breaking down like this, like a scared little child.

"Please don't push me away, Teddy. Not again. I can't take it. I n…. I need you." Shit. She never said these things, and all the sudden these words were throwing themselves out of her. She was saying things she barely even knew she felt, and at least she managed to stop herself before saying that last word on the tip of her tongue.

"Me neither," he mumbled, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

"So can we just go back to being us, now?" she asked, running her hand through his brown hair, which started to shift as he let out a small chuckle.

"I like the sound of that." He was smiling, hair turning into that green she had begun to love. It was perfect. He was perfect, they were… Everything was perfect, until the familiar pop of apparition sounded through the room, and James Sirius Potter appeared in the other end of the room.


	15. Chapter 15

"For fucks sake, I knew it! Black skirt, like the one on Teddy's floor, the both of you disappearing from Obscuro. 'Not a stranger'! Bloody hell, Ted, is this why you left Hogwarts? And get your bloody hands off my little sister, will you?!"

James Sirius Potter looked like he was about to rip his hair out, or take out his wand. Either way, things didn't look too positive, and stumbling apart from Teddy didn't do Lily any good as she still hadn't recovered from her ridiculously emotional state. But knowing James, Lily knew he barely ever got this angry. He was a lot like Ginny in that way, it took a lot to piss him off, but once you did, you were in for quite the treat. So without any further thought, Lily had reached for her wand, not quite sure what she was planning to do with it.

"I ought to hex you this very minute!" James continued, fiery brown eyes glaring at Teddy, and it made Lily wonder if the two of them had ever fought before, or if, once again, that was her doing. She had been the cause of countless disasters these last few months, and adding a conflict between Teddy and James to the list wouldn't be surprising at all.

"So why don't you, Jamie?"

"Because of that," he muttered, shifting his glare to Lily, who, rather unknowingly, had her wand pointed at her oldest brother.

"Damn snake would literally avada me if I so much as try."

"Put your wand down, James, or I just might," she threatened, returning his glare.

As the overly dramatic Gryffindor he was, James threw his arms up in defeat and put his wand down on the dining table loudly.

"You're mental, you know that? Both of you. Whose stupid idea was this? Yours? Right, Lily? What in Merlin's name were you thinking?!"

"Don't blame this on Lily." Teddy warned, trying to take the blame for everything, like he always did.

"Oh, so this was your idea, then? Brilliant! The professor seduces the student! Just bloody brilliant, Ted."

"Oh, shut it James, it was nobody's idea." Lily was losing her patience with James and his overly dramatic nature, although this reaction was perhaps milder than it might have been.

"Nobody's idea? Then would someone please explain to me how the hell this happened?"

James was infuriated, shocked, and his normal mocking self all at once. But as Lily raised her wand again, he looked genuinely terrified that she would hex him. For once, however, that was not part of her plan. In all honesty, Lily had known James since the day she was born, and to date she hadn't found a way to shut him up. And she didn't even know where to begin in explaining this to him, as she was certain he barely spoke the same language as her. So the only thing she could think of, that might make him understand, was showing him the bloody patronus that had started this whole mess. This beautiful fucking mess. A wave of memories brushed her mind, but the one that stuck was from that very morning. Soft sunrays fighting their way through the blinds, creating shadow-stripes on Teddy's tattooed arms, that were wrapped tightly around her. Perfectly turquoise hair, his warm breath on her face, and the lingering scent of muggle cigarettes.

"Expecto Patronum!"

The familiar silver wolf sprung out of her wand as if it had been restrained ever since she first conjured it, as if it was finally free again. It was bigger than she remembered, but incredibly majestic as it roamed the room before it faded out into nothingness. There was a silence that followed. Not an awkward silence, but the kind where you could literally hear someone's heartbeat yet you're waiting to hear thunder.

Lily herself was astonished at the sight of the patronus, even more so than the first time, but James… Well, he was speechless for once in his life. Despite the fact that Lily and James were not particularly good at communicating with one another, Lily was usually quite good at reading his expressions. He wasn't very complex in that matter, not like herself. His feelings seemed so simple, but right now, she couldn't read him at all. It was a rare thing, catching James Sirius Potter completely speechless, as he tried to make sense of things, or more likely, how he felt about them.

"Well, shit!" He finally exclaimed, breaking the silence and dropping his arms to his sides in a dramatic movement.

"Shit? That's all you have to say?" Teddy asked in disbelief, finally collecting himself after seeing Lily cast his patronus again.

"Yes, shit! This is going to take some real getting used to," her brother continued with an odd look on his face, waving his hands between the pair as to show what he was talking about. It didn't make any sense to Lily, though. He was planning on getting used to it, to them, rather than hexing them, outing them to her parents, blackmailing them or straight up ending his relationship with the both of them. But there he was, not entirely convincing, saying that he was going to get used to it.

"Soo.. You're going to get used to it?" Lily asked hesitantly, putting her wand back down on the kitchen counter, a frown glued to her face as she scanned her eldest brother's face for any indication that he was pulling her leg. But she got nothing.

"Well it doesn't look like I have much of a choice, does it? Sure, it's absolutely appalling. But that patronus right there? That's some real fairy tale, grandparents, soulmate-level kind of shit. That's one big, bad wolf not even I am stupid enough to fight."

This was new. James was being realistic, rational even. Hell, out of the three of them he was the one who made the most sense, and Lily wasn't sure where it came from. It wasn't much like him, and almost made her believe he might have grown up, if even just a little bit.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go vomit."

Never mind, there was the James Potter she knew. There was the James Potter everyone knew.


	16. Chapter 16

Birthdays were not Lily's favourite time of the year, particularly not her own birthday. Yet, every August 5th, there it was, forcing her to put a cheery mask on and celebrate with the entire family. Throughout the years, there had been a few highlights with her birthdays, mainly the fact that Teddy was always there, no matter the circumstances. And one year, when she turned ten, her parents had taken the family to Greece for her birthday. That had been a good year. But most of her birthdays had been downright disasters. Like the year when James and Freddie had decided that blowing up her birthday cake in her face was a good idea. Or the year when Lucy had showed up with Lily's crush as her date for the party. Or the year when Victoire broke Teddy's heart. Or the year when Louis came out of the closet. This year wasn't going to be any better, she was sure of it. Given the fact that both Albus, Rose and James knew about her and Teddy, it would be a miracle if the both of them walked out alive at the end of the night.

It was 11.59 pm on August 4th and, needless to say, Lily wasn't looking forward to the next day, nor the party that came with it. Hell, she was barely looking forward to turning eighteen, besides from the fact that it brought her one year closer to Teddy, who had turned twenty-eight back in April when she had no idea of his whereabouts. Twenty-eight and eighteen sounded a lot better than twenty-eight and seventeen. At least she thought it would, in her parents' ears. That was her main concern; her parents. Them and the rest of the family. Because in the back of her mind, she knew it. She knew none of them would approve, and they had been extremely lucky with Al, Rose and Jamie. What's a few words of disapproval, and vomits, really? No, their reactions had been mild. Ginny and Molly would likely compete for who could throw the worst fit, and Harry would give them the silent treatment for months, at the very least. And while Lily usually didn't talk to her father for months, she wasn't ready for that disaster, and she feared she never would be.

"Happy birthday, love."

Lily changed her mind as strong arms were wrapped around her where she lay in bed, and soft kisses were placed on her neck. She did like birthdays after all. If only she could stay there all day; in his apartment, in his bed. But she would have to go back home before her parents woke up to notice she was gone, and she would have to spend all evening keeping a moderate distance from him. She turned around, locking her hands behind his back, and burying her face in his chest.

"It's only happy when I'm with you."

"Well then you're one eighteen-year-old in luck, because I'll be there with you all day, fending off any disaster you're expecting to happen."

"What if that disaster affects you too?"

"I'll still be there, Lils. Now, relax. You're going to have a good birthday, I'll make sure of it."

"You are too good for me." It was true. Teddy was pure kindness. He was happiness, he was light. Everybody loved Teddy. And how could they not? He was the only Hufflepuff in the family, he had acted as protector of all the Potter/Weasley kids during their time at Hogwarts, he had been head boy. He hadn't even gotten angry when Victoire broke their engagement, only broken. She didn't deserve that person, yet he had been there for her ever since the day she was born.

"Said the eighteen-year-old to her godbrother and former professor, ten years her senior." He said, clearly not agreeing with her, and once again reminding her about those bloody ten years, that seemed to matter so damn much to everyone.

"Said the selfish Slytherin to the generous, caring and selfless Hufflepuff."

"You'd better not talk about my beautiful Lily flower that way, especially on her birthday. I won't have it."

"I love you," she said in a whisper, breaking the silence that had followed his statement. She hadn't planned on saying that, and in all honesty, she hadn't truly admitted those feelings to herself just yet. But there they were, those three words, suddenly spoken out loud, and she knew they were true. She had never loved anyone like this before, and she had never in her life loved anyone like she loved Teddy.

"I love you too, Lily flower. I love you more than I can bare, I love you always."

A few hours later, Lily flooed back home to Grimmauld Place with a small smile glued to her lips. She'd had a brilliant start to her birthday, and for once, she actually believed it might turn out okay, because he had said so. Because he would be there. Naturally, such blind belief never lasted very long, which was something Lily realized as she opened the door to her bedroom.

"Where the bloody hell have you been?"

"I wasn't aware you still lived here, Albus. I could ask you where you've been the last month, couldn't I?"

"You wouldn't have to ask, Lily. You know I've been with Alice. But you're disappearing all the time, Merlin knows where, and you're going to tell me right now."

"Obviously, I've been with someone who gives a damn when it's my birthday, and who doesn't make ridiculous accusations in the middle of the night. Now if you could leave, please. I'd like to get some sleep before this nightmare of a day."

"Are you seeing him again?"

"Who, Al? Am I seeing who again?"

"You know very well that I'm talking about Teddy."

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes."

"Merlin, Lily. I thought that was over with." Albus looked as tortured as he had the first time he found out about them, and Lily couldn't quite wrap her mind around what he had thought would happen. Had he seriously expected for it to simply be over, just because Teddy left?

"Well, it's not. It probably never will be. So, you better get used to it." She said, determined, hoping that he would leave her alone so she could at least get a few hours of sleep before this bloody birthday celebration.

"Really, Lily? Never? What about mum and dad, should they just get used to it, too?"

"They can't very well get used to something they don't know of. Go to bed, Al. I can't do this right now, I was having a good night, and you've ruined it."

"Sorry for being realistic, unlike either of you two. Goodnight, Lily. Oh, and happy birthday."


	17. Chapter 17

"Lily? Happy birthday dear, it's time to wake up. I've made you blueberry pancakes. We're all waiting downstairs for you, and the guests will be arriving in a few hours."

The soft knock on her door, followed by her mother's words woke her up. Glancing at the clock, Lily realized she had gotten much more sleep than it felt like. Perhaps it was because of this damn birthday, but she did not feel like getting up at all. However, Ginny had always been good at waking people up. She could be so soft at times, that was the only word she could use to describe it with. Sitting up and stretching her arms over her head, Lily let out a deep sigh.

"Oh, mercy please, no guests. Who's all of you?" She finally asked, rubbing her eyes before looking up at her mother, who was waiting patiently in her doorframe.

"Well, Albus spent the night here, and James and Teddy flooed in this morning."

"Teddy's here?" Lily asked, unable to conceal a smile. It wasn't an unusual reaction, though. Throughout her life, she had always rushed down the stairs and flung herself into Teddy's arms as soon as he arrived. Sure, things were different between them now, and she wanted to do much more than hug him when she threw herself in his arms. But the joy that nobody but him could bring her, it was the same.

"As always, dear. Now hurry downstairs before the pancakes go cold."

Lily didn't waste any time, and rushed after her mother down the stairs, still in the green quidditch shirt she had slept in.

"Teddy! You came," she exclaimed, not unlike every other birthday, and threw her arms around his neck, burying her head in his shoulder. The man she loved. The man who loved her, always. Merlin, was she lucky.

"Of course, I did. Happy birthday Lily flower."

"Merlin, woman! Put some clothes on, will you?" James sounded just as nauseous as he had when he first found out about her and Teddy a few weeks back, and as she wasn't sure how to explain him vomiting to her parents, she unwillingly let go of Teddy and turned to her eldest brother.

"Good morning to you too, James."

"Happy birthday, Lily flower." Harry said, smile glued to his face, and hugged his daughter before handing her a small parcel. Now naturally, Lily was anything but a hugger (except for when it came to Teddy. He had always been an exception). But her father depended on hugs, in all seriousness. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was raised without affection, because Harry literally hugged everyone. There was no doubt that he had hugged both James and Teddy as they arrived that morning, and whenever he met her uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, they hugged like they hadn't seen each other in years. So Harry was an exception too, because it would break his heart if his daughter didn't hug him.

"Thanks, dad." She mumbled, feeling a sense of guilt embrace her, as she let go of her father. Although they hadn't always known how, her parents had only ever wanted the best for her, and here she was lying to them, hiding things from them.

"Well, open it! It's from your mum and me."

Lily slowly peeled away at the wrapping paper, and unveiled a small, black box, which held a beautiful silver watch.

"It belonged to my mum. We thought you should have it."

"It's beautiful, dad. Thank you."

The morning passed quickly. Well, it wasn't exactly morning by definition, as Lily hadn't woken up until noon, but it was still morning to her. As per tradition, Albus had graduated and passed the Marauders' map down to her. James, also in a rather traditional manner, gave her an embarrassing gift – in this case contraceptive potion. And when questioned about it, he grinningly replied "What? I don't want to become an uncle at twenty-two!", occasionally throwing a dark glance at Teddy which went unnoticed by the eldest two in the kitchen.

"Why thanks, James. This might actually come in handy." Lily said, knowing exactly which buttons to push when it came to her brothers, it was something she'd had to learn the hard way as they were always trying to push hers. So, using Jamie's gift against him was the best option, because despite how depressing it was, thinking of Teddy and Lily together still nauseated him.

"Enough, Lily. Why don't you open Teddy's gift instead of horrifying your brother?" Ginny grabbed the small parcel from Teddy's hand, and handed it over to Lily, leaving the turquoise haired young man in shock by the looks of it.

"Mum! You can't just take it from him. How do you even know that gift was for me? Or that he wanted to give it to me right this moment?"

"Don't be silly, dear. Of course, it's for you, it's your birthday and the wrappings are green and silver. You should open it. Right, Teddy?"

Teddy simply nodded in reply, and Lily wasn't left much of a choice other than to open it. Perhaps she was overreacting, it was probably nothing special, but the look on his face when Ginny ripped it out of his hand said otherwise, and Lily really didn't want yet another disastrous and dramatic birthday. Once again, Lily found a box underneath the wrappings, and let out the breath she had been holding as she concluded that he had bought her jewellery. That couldn't very well be revealing, could it? Perhaps it was earrings with green stones, or a bracelet to go with the watch her parents had given her. She didn't know what he had been so worried about. That was, until she opened the box. Inside lay a delicate silver necklace, with a beautiful silver pendant in the form of a howling wolf. Their silver wolf. The one that had brought them together in the first place, the one that implied that they always would be. The one that reassured any doubt she'd ever had about his feelings for her. She had barely noticed her eyes tearing up before she once again wrapped her arms around him, and had to diverse herself from kissing him right on the spot. She let go of him quickly again, as she realized what she had almost done, as though remaining in his arms a second too long would cause a bloody storm. In all fairness, it just might, as it was impossible to know what James might reveal. It was a miracle that he had kept his mouth shut for this long.

"It's beautiful, Teddy. Thank you."

"A wolf necklace? Please, do explain, Ted." It seemed James wasn't done with his remarks for the day, and Lily feared what he might say when the entire Weasley family was there; when his fellow troublemaker Fred was there.

"Well, it's Lily's first year at Hogwarts without me, without any of us. So, I thought it might remind her that I'm always here for her."

Teddy wasn't a good liar. In fact, he couldn't lie even when he wanted to. Yet, there he was, keeping a straight face and maintaining that turquoise head of hair. Which only meant one thing: he wasn't lying. He wouldn't be coming back to Hogwarts next semester. In a way, it saddened her beyond belief. For some idiotic reason, she had still been hoping that he would give up this stupid auror idea and come back. But then she couldn't help but to smile like a silly little girl, because he was hers. Because even if he wasn't coming back to Hogwarts, he was still hers, and she was his. And somehow, that was all that mattered.

"That's lovely, Teddy." Ginny said, with a smile on her lips, clearly still in the dark about what that gift really symbolised. James and Albus, on the other hand, were not smiling.


	18. Chapter 18

"You told Albus?! Merlin, Lily, have you lost your mind? Who else knows?"

Lily had been in the process of attempting to charm her hair curly for the party when Teddy had rushed into her bedroom, out of his wits like when he first had seen her patronus, and cast a muffliato charm. His hair was the familiar anxious shade of bright orange, and in all honesty he looked like he might tear it out any minute.

"Calm down, Teddy. Sit," she ordered, placing her hands on his shoulders and softly pushing him down to sit on the edge of her bed, because she couldn't take that pacing anymore.

"Albus figured it out on his own, after you left Hogwarts and I didn't leave my dorm for weeks," she continued, running her fingers slowly through that terrible orange hair.

"And Rose forced me to tell her at the graduation party when I'd had verita serum, so I didn't have much choice there."

Beneath the calm exterior, Lily was scared to death. For months, she had worried about what Teddy might do when he found out that she had told them, and now, just from seeing the look on Al's face, he knew. And despite the fact that he had just given her the beautiful necklace now hanging around her neck, she was terrified that he would hate her for it.

"But Teddy, it's nothing to worry about. It's been months and they haven't said a word. I trust them. It's James that I'm worried about. Maybe you could talk to him?"

"Talk to him? Lily, James doesn't talk to me anymore. I can't say I blame him, but…"

"Please don't, Teddy. Not today. I can't deal with hearing how fucking terrible we are together. Do you want the bloody necklace back? Is that it? I can't believe I thought it fucking meant something to you."

"Hey… Hey, Lils, stop that." Lily hadn't noticed when he had gotten back up from the bed, but now he was the one calming her down, strong arms wrapped closely around her.

"Of course, it means something. It's just… They're my family too, and I'm scared to death of losing them. I'm scared to death of you losing them. I can't be the cause of that, Lils." His hair turned into a mellow brown, and sadness was written all over his face.

"It's going to be alright, Teddy. You heard James. They just need to get used to it, that's all. And as for the rest of them, let's just keep them in the dark for the time being and try to stay away from all the Weasley drama?"

"And I swear to god, I'll make James pay for this." She added, placing a soft kiss on his lips, temporarily forgetting that they were at Grimmauld Place and the whole darn Weasley clan was going to be there in a matter of minutes.

"I'm sorry, love. It's your birthday. We shouldn't worry about this tonight. Now did you need any help with your hair?"

\---

People started showing up shortly after Teddy, the natural expert on the subject, had transfigured Lily's hair. First came her grandparents, closely followed by Ron, Hermione, Rose and Hugo. After that people just kept filling up the house. Lastly came Luna, Rolf and the twins, which was an issue Lily hadn't thought to consider. Luna always showed up for her birthday, being her godmother and all, but Lily had completely overlooked that and all of the sudden she found herself awkwardly wrapped in Lorcan's arms, as the boy clearly had forgotten that Lily didn't do hugs.

"Let go of me, Scamander," she hissed under her breath, finally earning her freedom of his grasp.

"Happy birthday, Lily dear," Luna chirmed in, handing Lily a beautifully wrapped purple parcel, before pushing past her son to go greet the rest of the family.

"So… I've missed you," mumbled Lorcan, as the rest of his family had moved past them into the house, raising his hand to push a string of her hair behind her ear.

"Listen, Lorcan. I…" Lily was interrupted by a wolf whistle, naturally coming from the direction of her cousin Fred, who stood leaning against a doorframe behind her back.

"Lovers reunited, how adorable is that?"

"Bugger off, Fred. Or I will personally ensure you end up with one less ear than your father."

"Alright, alright! I'll leave you two to it then," he grinned, walking into the dining room with his hands raised in a gesture of defeat.

"I'm seeing someone," she told Lorcan bluntly, turning her heel and following Fred into the dining room, where he clearly had just made some idiotic comment, as several eyes were glued to her as she entered the room. One pair of eyes, however, caught her attention more than the others. Meeting his greyish blue gaze, she saw the clear shift to the darkest brown as his gaze moved from her to something behind her. Turning around, she realized how that something was a someone, as Lorcan entered the kitchen, looking positively tense with his jaws clenched.

Turning back around, most eyes had diverted from the pair, but Teddy's were nowhere to be seen, and Lily knew that her next birthday disaster had just begun. And from the looks of it, this would be the worst one, because Lily couldn't imagine anything worse than fighting with Teddy. It was strange, up until this year, they had never fought once in their lives. And since that day in class, when she cast the patronus, there had been countless fights.

\---

As everyone seemed to settle back into their discussions, and shifted their attention away from her, Lily made her way out of the dining room, and up the stairs only to find the now red-haired man she had been looking for in the drawing room.

"Maybe you should just be with him instead." Teddy concluded, not even turning around to look at her as she had entered the room and closed the door behind her.

"Teddy, don't be..."

"I never did ask you about graduation, did I? I suppose it's true then, and really, Lily. That prat is probably ten times better for you than I ever could be."

"Would you just liste.."

"It's the better choice, definitely. He's your age, and everyone would be thrilled to have.."

"Teddy! Fuck! I only told him I'm seeing someone, that's all! Is this what you think of me?"

Still facing his back, she noticed his hair shifting from that bright red to a mousy brown colour, and although it was a relief to know he wasn't angry anymore, it was worse to see him sad. He turned around to look at her, just then, and that meaningful look didn't require any words to go with it. She knew exactly what he meant.

"Yes! Alright? I did snog him at the graduation party. Is that what you want to hear? But you have to understand, Teddy. You had left without a word and I was certain you didn't want me, and Scorpius got together with Rose and I just felt so…"

Teddy froze in front of her, that dull brown hair shifting to the darkest of brown, and Lily didn't have the time to wrap her head around what had happened before he spoke again.

"What about Scorpius?" he asked, clenching his teeth, and Lily realized what she had let on. They had never really talked about this before. Granted, there had never really been a good time to talk about it, and the fact that there had been so many ups and downs between them… Perhaps she had been absolutely terrible. Perhaps, even after he left, she shouldn't have been able to even consider being with anyone else. Did it even matter that she couldn't now? Did it matter when she had kept seeing both Scorpius and Lorcan after casting the damn patronus?

"Fuck, Lily! It was him, wasn't it? That morning, in the classroom, you were coming from the head dorms. You went straight from my quarters to him, didn't you? He's my fucking cousin, Lily!"


	19. Chapter 19

It was terrible. There they were, in the drawing room of 12 Grimmauld Place, yelling their throats out at each other, the entire Weasley family celebrating just one set of stairs down. He was furious with her, or jealous. Probably both. He had never been angry with her before all of this, at least nowhere near this degree, and she wasn't sure she could take it anymore. The now eighteen-year-old, who wasn't very familiar with crying, had tears running down her cheeks as she yelled back at him, as though that would make him love her, forgive her.

"He's your second cousin, Ted, don't overreact."

"Notice how you said cousin, just there?"

"Oh come on, Teddy. Do you think I slept with him out of spite? Is that it? When have I ever done anything to spite you? Scorpius and me… that had been going on for months. And you pushed me away, Teddy. I kissed you and you pushed me away!"

"I'm pretty sure you tried to do more than just kiss me…"

"And you pushed me away, Teddy! I felt terrible, I thought I had ruined our friendship and that I had taken advantage of you, and that you only saw me as a stupid little girl, and…"

"Okay," he mumbled, softly placing a hand on her shoulder, where she stood, close to falling apart completely.

"Okay?" she asked, looking up to face his greyish eyes again, and he nodded slowly at her.

"I'm sorry, Teddy. I swear that's been over for months, and I only want you."

"No, I'm sorry, Lily. I don't know why I'm overreacting like this. I'm sorry."

The remainder of the party, thank Merlin, was comparatively calm. There was the occasional glare from either of the Scamander twins, the worried questions of her highly perceptive grandmother, and the traditional, humiliating prank courtesy of James and Fred. Naturally, it was a mess. It was her birthday, and there was no way it would never be anything other than a mess. But whenever that mess seemed like too much to handle, and Lily wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in Teddy's arms, she found comfort in the tiny silver wolf hanging around her neck.

\---

Eventually, the house was silent again, as the whole family had finally found the sense to leave. Ron had been the last one standing, as always, having deep conversations with Harry about the 'bloody ferret' his daughter was dating, after one too many fire whiskeys. Only the Potters remained, and as Harry closed the door behind his childhood friend he let out a relieved sigh.

"Thank Merlin it wasn't you who got involved with that Malfoy bloke, Lily. I don't think I could've dealt with that."

As Albus broke into a hysterical laughter (uncle Ron wasn't the only one who had too much to drink that night), Lily could do nothing but thank the gods, Salazar, and Merlin himself that Teddy had left earlier that evening, because he wouldn't have been able to conceal his emotions from the whole family in the upcoming discussion.

"Do you mind sharing your humor, Albus?" Harry looked confounded, to say the least, whereas James' eyes wandered between Albus' laughter and Lily's brittle expression.

"What says she hasn't already?" Albus managed to spurt out between his fits of laughter.

"Oh please, Malfoy too? Really?" James exclaimed, looking just about as nauseated as he had when he found out about Teddy. Well, this was just brilliant. Trust her brothers to reveal any and all of her secrets to both of her parents on her birthday.

"You know who she's been seeing," Ginny said matter-of-factly, as she locked her persuasive brown eyes on her eldest son.

"Mother!"

"I don't understand why you didn't just invite him here today so we could all…"

"Well, what if he.." Albus barely had the time to start explaining the situation to their mother before Lily cut him off.

"ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER, you shut your mouth right this moment or I swear I will drop you dead on the spot!"

"You know too," her mother mumbled, turning her face to the younger of her two sons, with an expression on her face that could only be compared to heartbreak.

"That is it, I am putting Albus to bed because he has clearly had too much to drink, and then I'm leaving this nosy house for the evening."

"Why would you tell your brothers but not me?"

"I am perfectly entitled to my privacy, thank you very much. Any other questions while we're at it?"

"Did you really go out with that Malfoy kid?" Harry chirmed in, and Lily could see where James got that nauseated look from. Her father, too, looked like he was about to be sick, and in all honesty, it both terrified and infuriated her all at once. If this was how he felt about her and Scorpius, then how was he going to react when he found out about Teddy? One thing was certain, it would not be pretty. It made her think that perhaps they would never be able to tell them; her parents, the whole family.

"No, dad. We never went out. It was far more casual than that. But please, do tell, is Scorpius Malfoy at the top of your 'worst people Lily could ever date-list'?"

Her question caused James to choke on his drink, and it was quite clear who he was placing at the top of that list. It had been clear since he first found the pair together in Teddy's apartment just a few weeks back. Harry, on the other hand, was dead silent. Either he was still considering, trying to make someone up in his mind who was worse, or, by the looks of it, he had already come up with a name which was much obviously, worse.

"Didn't think so," she muttered, as she stood up from her seat and pulled Albus with her up the stairs, honestly considering to obliviate him, seeing his incapability to keep his mouth shut.

"If you tell them, I'll never forgive you." She had just left Albus in his bedroom, and while he didn't look able to tell anyone anything in that moment, he gave her a small nod before she closed the door behind her, thoroughly tired of her family. Seeing that it still was her eighteenth birthday, she should've known that this were to happen. A few minor disasters were simply not enough, not for Lily Luna Potter's birthday at least. Merlin forbid that she ever got some peace and quiet.

Lily finally made her way downstairs, more than ready to leave Grimmauld Place, when she met her mother at the bottom of the stairs. It was quiet now, which had to mean that Harry had finally had enough and gone to bed, and James had probably left already. And even though the silence was comforting, Lily was not up for another discussion with her mother. After this terribly long day, all she wanted was to escape this world in the strong arms of Teddy Lupin, and ensure that he wasn't still furious with her for the whole Scorpius-ordeal.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right Lily?"

"I don't want to talk about it, mum. I just want to leave. Now."

"Alright, well, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. Will you be safe, Lily? Wherever it is you're going, is it safe?"

"Yes, mum. He's… I trust him with my life, and I think you would too."


	20. Chapter 20

The following weeks were surprisingly calm. Lily's parents stayed out of her hair, and she didn't have any arguments with Teddy. It made her feel as though life could be that easy, some day. Each night, falling asleep in his arms, she felt at home; more so than she ever had at Grimmauld Place. More so than she ever had at Hogwarts. It was dangerous, the blissfulness she felt for just less than two weeks. It made her optimistic, a trait she'd never possessed, and one which didn't do her any good. Because in reality, she would soon be going back to Hogwarts, away from him, and on top of that, there was no way they could tell her parents about their relationship.

A Hogwarts letter addressed to Lily Luna Potter which arrived at Grimmauld Place, just about a week before her planned return to Hogwarts, pulled the eighteen-year-old back to reality. While Lily herself was terrified of what the letter would say, she was certain she had never seen her father so pale before.

"By Merlin, what have you done this time?" Harry looked as though he might faint, surely certain that she was finally getting expelled, and for once, Lily found herself believing that might actually be the case. Perhaps, somehow, the Headmistress had found out about her relationship with Teddy. It made sense, because why else would she be receiving a letter from Hogwarts a week before starting her seventh year?

For a few minutes, the two stood still, equally pale, staring at the letter on the kitchen table. Either Lily nor her father dared to move, until Ginny walked into the kitchen with an amused expression on her face.

"What is going on in here? You two look like the Grey Lady just floated through the front door," she bid, as she marched up to the kitchen table and picked up the letter.

"Why haven't you opened it yet?" she asked, hastily handing it over to Lily, who couldn't be less excited to open this letter in front of her parents. She could only imagine what it would say; _'Ms. Potter, following intelligence of your improper and prohibited relations with a Hogwarts professor last semester, we regret to inform you that you are hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'_. Her parents would have a right fit at that. What scared her even more was what might happen to Teddy. He couldn't get fired, as he was no longer working there, but what he had once mentioned about the ministry had found its way back into her mind. Would he face a trial? Could he even? She was of age, and technically they had done nothing but snog on Hogwarts grounds.

"Well?" Ginny was getting impatient, and by the looks of it, so was Harry. While she was the one mentioned on the address line, her parents looked like they were anticipating their verdict, and she for one couldn't take it anymore. Although she wasn't keen on reading the letter in front of her parents, there wasn't much to do now that they had already seen it. They would find out, one way or another.

"Alright, alright. I'll open it," she muttered, and tore open the envelope pulling out a neatly folded letter. She took a deep breath before unfolding it, barely daring to read the words.

\---

_Dear Ms. Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to serve as Head Girl. Your school record shows that you have exhibited the exceptional wand work, the ability to lead others, and the nerve that Hogwarts Alumni have long been lauded for._

_We are certain that you will continue to be a model for your peers and will take your new responsibilities seriously. Enclosed please find your Head Girl Badge, which should be worn on your school robes at all times. Congratulations!_

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Headmistress_

\---

Lily stared at the letter in disbelief. It was surreal. There she was, expecting an expulsion letter, and they were handing her a bloody Head Girl Badge? Surely, there must've been someone better suited for the job. Someone who didn't wander the corridors at night, someone who didn't drink fire whiskey every weekend, someone who didn't shag their professor in their sixth year. Anyone would be better than her, really. Yet there she was, holding the darn letter in her hands, wondering if the whole thing was a prank orchestrated by her brother. Those thoughts, however, were interrupted by her impatient mother.

"Well… What does it say?"

"I…. I've…" Lily shook her head hesitantly, as she reached back into the envelope, picking up a small piece of metal and taking it out. It was a beautiful silver badge, with an emerald backdrop and a banner with the text 'HEAD GIRL' written across it.

"Oh my," Ginny gasped, looking between the badge and her only daughter, seemingly as surprised as Lily herself was.

"Do you see that, Harry? Our Lily is Head Girl!"

Harry, who had previously looked as though he would faint, probably expecting the worst, was now looking at his daughter with big green eyes, tearing up as he pulled her in for a hug mumbling something about how much like her grandmother she was. Lily had never thought of it, her being anything like her grandmother. Sure, she had been told many times that she looked like her, but with Ginny's red hair and Harry's green eyes, how could she not? But it had never crossed her mind that she was anything like her grandmother. The woman had been a Gryffindor through and through, hadn't she? And despite her heritage, there was nothing Gryffindor about Lily. No, the hat had made the right choice placing her in Slytherin, it was, after all, where she belonged. And yet, now she had been made Head Girl, against her expectations, against everyone's expectations, really. She just had to figure out what it meant.

\---

"You're not going to believe it!" she exclaimed some hours later as she entered Teddy's apartment through the floo. By now, it felt just as much as her apartment, and she couldn't wait until she got out of Hogwarts and could spend every waken moment there – with him.

"I heard. I'm sure Harry told half the wizarding community by now."

"You mean half the wizarding community as in my family…" she grinned, walking through the apartment, following the sound of his voice into the bedroom where he stood waiting for her in the doorframe. Something was wrong, though. Because despite that familiar turquoise hair, despite those familiar deep brown eyes, and despite the fact that his appearance was ever-changing, there was something about him that she didn't recognize; something unfamiliar.

"I don't think they've been this proud since you were made Head Boy," she mumbled absentmindedly, her gaze stuck on his face, trying to put her finger on what was different about him.

"That's it, isn't it?" The moment she realized it, there was no denying what was different about him, and it was as though she had told herself when mentioning him being Head Boy.

"You're a bloody teenager, aren't you? What is this, Teddy? You… Hold on, you're controlling it?"

Once again, Lily found herself quite a mess of emotions, which wasn't too rare as of recent. Not since she had fallen in love with him. And now, she was confused. She couldn't quite wrap her head around why he would be transforming into his teenage self, especially if he had learned how to control it. And how had he learned to control it so well? He had shifted completely quite a few times before, but as it was so strongly linked to his emotions that he couldn't seem to hold it for too long, at least not when it was and intentional shift. But now, he maintained it, he maintained the boy she had looked up to ten years ago. The boy who would come home over Christmas, Easter and summer, bringing her sugar quills and chocolate frogs from Honeydukes. Looking at him just then was like diving into a memory, and she half expected her eight-year-old self to run up to him and almost knock him over as she threw herself at him. It was strange, to say the least.

"The auror training… they think it'll be useful, I suppose," he mumbled, brown eyes shifting to the wooden floor as though he was avoiding her, yet he looked exactly the same. And for once, Lily couldn't read him. She realized then, that she knew him by his colours. And now that he was hiding them away, she didn't seem to understand him. Something was wrong, that much she could tell. He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the floor, rather than looking at her. Was he angry with her? Disappointed?

"And what's with the… look? What are you trying to hide from me?" she asked, puzzled and slightly annoyed at the fact that she didn't know him as well as she thought she did. If he was learning to control it, that meant that she was un-learning how to read him, and it saddened her. Things wouldn't be the same anymore, he wouldn't be the same.

"I'm not… I thought this was what you wanted. I mean…"

"I want you Teddy. And not the you who makes me feel like a sugar-crazed eight-year-old. The real you." He shifted back at that, hair turning from turquoise to that emerald green that meant he was thinking of her, and brown eyes just turning into that sad grey as he looked up to meet her eyes. The tattoos reappeared on his arms, and the stubble grew back on his chin. His shoulders got slightly broader, and there was a tiredness about him, one he wasn't attempting to hide. Was she doing that to him, making him tired? Perhaps this was all too much for him?

"Well, you've got me, Lils. You know you do. But I heard Ginny over the floo before when Harry was telling me about you becoming Head Girl, and she was right. You should enjoy this time of your life, you know? Be a kid, make friends, have fun. It's your last year at Hogwarts, and I don't want to be the reason you… I don't want to hold you back, Lily."

"Excuse me? You could never hold me back, Teddy. And I'm not a kid, thank you very much. I am perfectly capable of deciding these things for myself, and I have no intention of going back to Hogwarts if it means losing you."

"You're not ever going to lose me, love. I'll be right here. I just want you to have everything I did at Hogwarts, and that's not going to happen with me there."

"But you'll come see me at Hogsmeade weekends, right?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Lily. People would see us together."

"Well, it's a good thing you learned to control your abilities then, isn't it?"


	21. Chapter 21

It wasn't long before Lily was at King's Cross station, awkwardly hugging her parents, brothers, and Teddy goodbye as she was leaving for her seventh and last year at Hogwarts. While the youngest of the family wasn't much for hugs or public displays of affection, Lily would've snogged Teddy breathless right there on the platform if it weren't for the fact that her family was present. So instead, she had to make due with an awkward hug, one which was far from sufficient to last her the weeks up until her next Hogsmeade weekend when she would see him again. She had gotten comfortable, seeing him daily and sleeping in his arms nearly every night, and this year was going to be inevitably long and lonely without him.

It was shocking how good Teddy had become at controlling his abilities, although when they were standing there at platform 9¾, saying goodbye for several weeks to come, Lily could see the flash of grey in his eyes which he managed to hide so well from the world. There she was, just inches away, and while she wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, it was impossible. She wanted to console him, hold him, never let go. Yet somehow, she was miles away, and he was untouchable in all the ways that counted.

For some reason, it felt like goodbye. Like a proper goodbye; one she would never be ready for. And she missed him already, she missed him so much it hurt. She missed him so much it made her nauseous.

"Now, don't forget to write, dear. Your grandmother will want to hear from you, and so do we. I've packed you a sandwich for the ride, and you shou…"

"Yes, mum, it'll be fine, I'll write."

"And give Neville our love."

"Sure, dad."

"And have fun, Lilyflower."

"I'll try, _Teddy-bear._ "

_Teddy dear,_ she thought, already knowing that it couldn't possibly be any fun without him. She bitterly remembered the last semester and how it had drained her, how terribly emotional she had been; how broken she had been. The summer had been better, the last half of summer, that is. Life had been better since she found him that night at Obscuro, and since she woke up in his bed the morning after. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember a time when her life had been any better than it had been the last month. It was as though most pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place, and while they still had _a lot_ to figure out, being together without guilt had been inconceivably blissful.

"Alright, run along dear, we wouldn't want you to miss the train and pull a stunt worthy of your dad and uncle," Ginny mused, with a teasing grin, as she turned to face Harry, who was grinning right back at her.

"We both know you are quite fond of my stunts."

"Ew, dad!" Albus exclaimed, covering his ears at his father's remark, whereas James looked like he might be sick.

Lily was unaware of the sad smile that had made its way to her face, as her mother laughed and kissed her father right there on the platform. They were so comfortable, her parents, so care-free. And while Lily was well aware that their lives had been anything but **easy** , that was the word that came to mind. She couldn't help but to wonder if she and Teddy would ever have that, the simplicity of sharing a kiss on the platform, or the privilege to drop their kids off at the platform in the first place. The way things were now, it didn't seem likely at all.

He must've seen it; whatever sadness was in her eyes. Even though hers didn't turn grey at the emotion, and despite the fact that she barely ever teared up, Teddy must've known, because he pulled her in for a second embrace just then. One much less awkward than their previous one. As his strong arms wrapped around her, forcing her face into his chest, she inhaled as much as she possibly could of his scent, and could practically feel his refrain from kissing the top of her head.

"Go," he mumbled in a soft whisper, before letting her go again, and she was bare without his arms, alone in facing the world; in facing Hogwarts.

"Have a safe trip, dear. It'll be Christmas in no-time," Ginny reassured, providing the gentle nudge that sent Lily off to board the Hogwarts Express with more affliction than ever before.

\---

Lily felt misplaced, least to say, when she finally made her way into the prefect's compartment. She had never been made prefect, and had never expected to, which was why the letter announcing her new position as Head Girl had knocked her off her feet. And from the looks of it, it would have the same effect on the prefects, who were currently staring her down as though she had broken down the door to their precious, _exclusive_ compartment. Merlin's balls, she was already regretting that she hadn't turned down the position.

"Orientation issues, Potter?"

The mocking tone came from a grinning boy, slightly taller than herself, with well-groomed brown hair and eyes to match. _Matthew Wright._ She recognized him as the insufferable keeper who had made her job as chaser a hell of a lot more difficult when they were up against Ravenclaw. While he was a right prat, she had to hand it to him, he was a damn good keeper.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware I was late?"

"And what do you reckon you'd be late for?"

"Why, the meeting of course."

"Ah, yes. _The meeting._ And what do you suppose your role would be in that meeting, seeing as you're not a prefect?"

"Glad you asked, I imagine I'd be leading it."

The boy barked out a laugh, crossing his arms over her chest as he looked her over, confident bloody eyes looking her up and down.

"Well, you're wrong there, Potter. That would be me."

It clicked just then, and for the second time in the last two minutes, Lily regretted having accepted the damn position as Head Girl. She had imagined it would make her life easier, having her own dorm away from the nosey Slytherin girls'; away from everyone. Now it seemed the outcome would be quite the opposite, as she realized just _who_ she would be sharing responsibilities with; who she would be sharing a bloody _common room_ with.

"Please don't tell me that _you're_ the Head Boy. I mean, I can live with having to boss these mountain trolls around, but sharing my quarters with the biggest prat since Grindelwald? Just kill me now," she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What are you lot staring at? Burke, Thompson! Go patrol the train before some reckless Gryffindor decides to climb the bloody roof," she continued, throwing herself down on the seat by the window with a sigh, many dumbstruck eyes glued to her.

"Do I look like I'm joking? NOW!"

The two fifth years were rapidly on their feet, storming out of the prefect's compartment, and a smirking boy with inquisitive brown eyes sat down in the seat opposite to hers.

"By all means, Wright. _Lead_ your sodding meeting, don't let me stop you."

"If I didn't know any better, Potter, I'd say you were miserable about going back to Hogwarts."

"Sod off, Wright."

"What's the matter then? Scamander holding you off?"

"You know, for a Ravenclaw, you're surprisingly daft."

"Not Scamander… Malfoy then?"

"I'm warning you. Bugger off before I hex that bloody grin off your face," Lily hissed, throwing a glare at the boy, before returning her gaze to the window and the landscape right outside it, unconsciously grabbing the silver wolf-pendant that hung safely around her neck and releasing a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

\---

Later that evening she had settled into her new dormitory, which was absolutely brilliant, no surprise there. Since she had spent quite a few nights in the Head Boy's dorm, she had known what to expect of the room, yet it still amazed her. It was a huge room compared to the dorm she had shared with four other girls over the last six years. The walls were covered in deep green tapestry, and the large four-poster bed in the centre of the room had thin, silver curtains hanging down around it. There was a fireplace, spreading a warm glow over the room, and mahogany desk with well-organized supplies on it.

Enissa, Lily's tawny owl, was sitting in her cage by the window, looking out over the brilliant view of the quidditch field. It _should_ feel like home. Everything about it screamed out the word. And yet, she was miserably longing for the dulled sound of a Weird Sister's song playing in the background, for the scent of muggle cigarettes and freshly made pancakes, for turquoise and Hufflepuff yellow; for tattooed arms and ever-changing eyes. Oh, how she longed for **him**.

Sitting down by the desk, she let out a sigh as she grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment, to some degree keeping the promise she had made her mother on the platform. She would most definitely write, although not to her grandmother nor her parents.

_\---_

_Teddy,_

_I survived the evening and am now sitting in my ridiculously large dormitory.  
I'm positive the prefects hate me, and for the better part of ten months I'm involuntarily  
sharing a common room with an insufferable twat who calls himself Head Boy._

_I wish I were ten years older, sharing quarters with you as Head Boy. I'm sure we would've made quite the team,  
although McGonagall might have disagreed (or even retired for that matter). _

_I don't know how I'm going to get through this year with you so far away. Would you please consider coming back?  
Not only for me, but for yourself. You were meant to teach, and I don't want to keep you from that._

_Don't you dare put yourself in danger during auror training, I know dad's expecting a lot from you,  
but you better be in one piece when I see you on the next Hogsmeade weekend. _

_I miss you,  
_ _Lily_

\---

After she had finished writing her letter, the redhead got up and let out the beautiful owl from her cage, handing it the letter and opening the window.

"Get this safely to Teddy, Enissa," she mumbled, watching the owl fly away into the horizon as she closed the window again, wondering how long it would be before Teddy got her letter. It wasn't long before she drifted off to sleep in a way too empty bed, in a way too lonely room. And it was only the first of nearly three hundred such empty and lonely nights.


	22. Chapter 22

There was no reply. Day after day passed, and soon the new Head Girl found herself more than a week into her seventh year at Hogwarts, and Teddy had yet to reply to the letter she had sent him the evening of her arrival. Hell, she had sent him two more letters after that, reminding him of the Hogsmeade trip that she was currently getting ready for, still hoping that he would come see her as they had agreed.

Her memory drifted back to when she had told him about being made Head Girl, nearly a month ago now. That night when he had transformed into his seventeen-year-old self and bitterly told her that he wanted her to be a kid, to make friends during her last year. If the bloody git was planning to ignore her for the sake of not being 'in her way', as he said, then she would most definitely need to knock some sense into him.

Lily pulled her hair into a ponytail, and wearing a pair of black jeans and her Slytherin quidditch shirt, she made her way down the stairs from her new dorm with determined steps. Truthfully, she was furious at him. Sure, she missed him so much her entire body ached, but she was convinced that she'd been forced to miss him _enough_ by now. First, he'd left Hogwarts without a word last term, and she had not only missed him but _worried_ about him. Then, she had barely seen him during summer either, and now when she'd only just gotten him back, he seemed set on staying away from her as the stupid, noble Hufflepuff that he was. As though he had no idea how much that hurt her.

With determined strides, the redhead made her way towards Hogsmeade alone, unlike the many other students who walked in groups, chatting and laughing. Lily was in no mood for chatting nor laughing, and if she _did_ find him at the Three Broomsticks, she wasn't sure whether she would snog him senseless or give him a piece of her mind for not responding to her letters. Probably the prior, if she was being honest with herself.

The wolf pendant around her neck rhythmically tapped against her collarbone along with her determined steps, only adding to her anger. The bloody gift had been meant to remind her that he was always there for her, but how the bloody hell was it supposed to do that when he wouldn't even respond to her letters? That was _not_ how to 'be there' for someone, in Lily's opinion. Of course, Teddy didn't seem to care about her opinion at all, seeing that he was clearly making decisions for her. Merlin knows how long he had been planning this… this abandonment, and what he expected from it was a mystery to Lily. Did he really expect her to have a great seventh year, _being a kid,_ and making friends, only to come back to the man who had been ignoring her for a year, come graduation?

She was getting ahead of herself. It hadn't yet been two weeks of him ignoring her, yet a thought at the back of her mind still terrified her. _What if he_ _ **did**_ _ignore her for a whole year?_ Surely, she would go mad. If that was the consequence of being at Hogwarts, then she would leave, just as carelessly as he had, despite being a so-called _ambitious_ Slytherin. Because the only ambition she had right now was **him.** She didn't care if she ended up teaching pre-Hogwarts children, tending a bar, or conducting the bloody Knight Bus, as long as she was with him. And that wouldn't happen the way he had clearly planned it out.

Dramatically pushing the door to the Three Broomsticks open, Lily let her gaze wander across the tables, searching for a hint of turquoise, green, or even mousy brown. She would've known – she told herself – if he were that greying witch by the bar, or the cloaked wizard by the corner-table. She would have _known._

Looking around the room one last time, she decided that he wasn't there – just as she had expected. She wouldn't let herself be disappointed. She wouldn't give him that. It wasn't worth it, and she would much rather be angry. She was better at that. And sitting around, waiting for him until it was so late she'd have to go back, well, that wasn't an option either. That was _pathetic,_ and Lily Luna Potter was **not** pathetic.

Her strides back towards the castle were even more determined, if possible, as she furiously threw hexes at any rock, tree or road sign she came across on the way.

\---

The girl's mood hadn't particularly improved when she entered the common room through the portrait, finding the terribly smug Ravenclaw boy where she'd left him – at the desk, frantically scribbling away at an essay.

They had tried to stay out of each other's way. Well, Lily had tried to stay out of Wright's way, but the new Head Boy was positively getting on her nerves, and she would much rather have the bloody common room to herself.

"I thought you were going to Hogsmeade," the boy muttered, barely looking up from his parchment as he kept on scribbling.

"Fuck Hogsmeade," she muttered under her breath, kicking the sofa as she passed it to get to the stairs leading up to her dorm.

"Scamander stand you up?"

While the boy didn't look up from his parchment this time, she could bloody well _hear_ the smug grin on his lips, and she wouldn't have it. He had stepped on her last nerve.

"For the last fucking time, Wright. I am not shagging Scamander, nor do I want to. And you better get off my damn back before I hex you all the way to Azkaban!"

"Well, somebody must've stood you up. You've been bloody insufferable the last week, and not to say that you're normally a sweetheart, but _this_ is definitely out of the ordinary. You're a bloody mess, Potter."

He had left his essay by now, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at her with a knowing look, seemingly not frightened of her hexes at all. It was supposed to be annoying, aggravating, and yet she couldn't find any more fury within herself after throwing all those hexes on the way back. She was way past the breaking point, and if Matthew bloody Wright hadn't stalled her, she'd already be crying in her bed by now - as much as she hated to admit it.

"What's it to you, anyway? Let me be a fucking mess if I want to."

"Well, for one, I have to work with you. And also, I live here… So you know, you're sort of interfering with my studies."

"Study in your bloody dorm, Wright. I couldn't care less-"

"Is it Malfoy, then?"

"For fuck's sake, Matthew!" she fumed, turning on her step and striding back down the stairs only to slam her hand on his desk, nearly spilling his ink over the essay he'd been working so desperately on the last few days (and nights).

Lily did not get the desired effect from slamming his desk, and rather than yelling straight back at her, the boy kept grinning, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his neck.

"You just called me Matthew," he stated smugly, as though that was an accomplishment in itself.

"I did not."

"You did. That's progress, Potter."

"Progress? Do you really think I want to be stuck in this bloody common room making friendship bracelets with you?!"

"Well, as amusing as that sounds, that's not what I want either, _Potter._ But you clearly need to get whatever _this_ is out of your system, and once you do, I can get back to studying in a _much_ calmer environment. So, talk," he demanded, disgustingly logical, as he raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest again. Insufferable, that one was. Just insufferable.

"I may have been stood up, by a bloody traitor who promised he'd be here for me but can't find the damn decency to even respond to my letters. And **don't** think for one second that I'm some disgustingly obsessed teenage girl, Wright. His _noble_ Hufflepuff arse thinks he's doing me a favour, can you believe that?" she spat out, barely realizing that she had said too much in the heat of the moment.

"Alright. So, he's a Hufflepuff, and obviously not at Hogwarts anymore as you're sending him letters. And he's a prat, no surprise there. So why let him get to you, when you clearly deserve better?"

"He's **not**!" she defended, not sure where that urge came from. Despite the fact that Wright had no idea just who she was talking about, she wouldn't have him thinking that of _her_ Teddy. It wasn't right.

"I told you, he thinks he's doing me a favour or something."

"I didn't take you for someone stupid enough to believe that."

"Look, Wright, I know you might not be able to grasp it, but he's the bloody love of my life, alright?"

"Everyone thinks that of their first teenage love, Potter. That doesn't make it true."

"Well he's not a bloody teenager, you prat."

"Uh huh?" he asked, with an amused grin on his lips. It certainly did seem like he was enjoying this sneak-peak into her personal life. And while Lily wasn't keen on sharing, and certainly didn't like to admit it, he had been right. She needed to get it out of her system. Telling him about it, no matter how big of a prat he was, seemed to be calming her down.

"This stays between us, Wright, or you'll regret ever meeting me," the girl threatened as she realized she had indeed said too much to the amused boy.

"An older man then, Potter? Is he married, too?"

"Absolutely **not**."

"Tell me, is it Malfoy's dad?"

"Merlin's pants, Wright, that's _repulsive_! Where would you even get such an idea?!" she asked, dejected, as she threw herself back on the sofa, reminded of the fact that Teddy didn't seem to want anything to do with her, again.

"Oh right, he's no Hufflepuff, is he? Hmm.. What about Zacharias Smith?" he asked, still grinning, causing her to shake her head. Zacharias Smith was chaser for the Chudley Cannons, and while he was one of the most coveted bachelors constantly appearing in the Daily Prophet, he was probably the age of her parents.

"Not **that** old, you perv. And I'm not going to tell you who it is, so you might as well cut it out."

"Well, tell me something, Potter. Like why you're so convinced he's the 'love of your life'."

"I just know. Besides, we have the same bloody patronus. And don't even think to ask what it is!"

"Alright, alright!" he defended, throwing his hands up in defeat, as though he had just been about to ask her what her patronus was.

"And why are you so convinced he's trying to _help_ you by standing you up?"

"Because he bloody told me before I left, I was just too stupid to hear it. He said he wanted me to be a kid, make friends, have _fun_ , and that I wouldn't if he was around. But then at the same time he's telling me he'll always be there for me, that I _have_ him, and it's just so damn confusing!"

"So… let me get this right. You're in love with an older lad, who's your soulmate or whatever, and he's avoiding you because… he wants you to be a kid?"

"Something like that."

"Well, that's messed up."

"You have no idea."

\---

As the Head Girl finally settled down in her dorm, alone, she refused to cry. Instead, she pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill, to write Teddy yet another letter. Her last letter, she decided, as he clearly had no intention of responding. Lily wasn't going to allow herself to be desperate enough to send him letter after letter, going to Hogsmeade any chance she got, keeping her hopes up that he would come when he obviously wouldn't. She wasn't _weak._ She wouldn't be.

_\---_

_Edward Remus Lupin,_

_I am sick and tired of your bullshit. Assuming you will even read this letter, I will have you know that I do not accept you dictating around my life, nor our so-called relationship._

_If you do not wish to see me, answer my letters, or even acknowledge me - fine. Then just be bloody clear on that, and don't_ _expect me to sit around waiting until you've deemed me old enough for you, or for you to resolve whatever other issues you might have with me._

_I hope you know that you are like a bloody cruciatus curse, Teddy._

_I hope you know how much your fucking nobility_ _hurts me._

_L._


	23. Chapter 23

Lily Luna Potter was not happy. It had been months since she came back to Hogwarts as Head Girl, and her moronic, secret boyfriend seemed to have forgotten completely about her existence, yet again. That intense stubbornness was possibly the worst thing about Edward Remus Lupin. Not that there were that many bad sides, too be honest. Just the stubbornness and the goddamn nobility. Apart from that, she could only think of good sides. Like his warm hugs that felt like home, his playful laugh and his constant calm. Good sides she wasn't supposed to be thinking about, because they made being mad at him a hell of a lot more difficult.

She did miss him. She missed him to insanity, but the sad part was that she was getting used to missing him. They had never really had the chance to actually _be_ in a relationship. Well, besides from those few weeks over summer. Besides from then, he had practically been purposely staying away from her all along – and it was getting old. Lily wished she was the one getting old. She had thought that when she was eighteen, things would be different. And now, at eighteen, she kept thinking that perhaps after graduation he would finally come around.

She didn't want to spend year in and year out waiting to be with him; waiting to be normal, to be happy. But she knew she would, if that was the only way she could be with him. Because there was no other option than being with him. Just knowing that he was staying away from her for her own sake… well, it got her through it. Somewhere at the back of her mind, behind all the anger and the heartbreak, she remembered what he had said. " _You're not ever going to lose me, love. I'll be right here."_

Besides, when she was at Hogwarts and he was choosing to ignore her, there was only so much she could do. In the end, she would just have to deal with things the way they were, and beat the crap out of him once she finally got out of there. Because there was no way that he was getting away with being such a prat for so fucking long.

\---

Being Head Girl wasn't half as bad as Lily had expected it to be. She quite liked bossing the prefects around, and since she had always had a thing for walking the corridors at night, patrolling wasn't that bad either. And Wright had turned out to be more than endurable. While she would never say it to his face, he had become pretty much the best friend she had, at least at Hogwarts, and she wasn't sure what she would've done without him.

It wasn't at all like her friendship with Rose, nor with Teddy for that matter. No, this friendship had developed from being forced to see one another every day, and It was obvious. Lily would tell Matt how awfully messy he was, yelling at him for leaving random pieces of clothing around in the common room. And in return he would call her a home-wrecker and say that she was messy on the inside (because somehow, he was still convinced that whomever she was seeing was a married man). They would discuss and argue over the most ridiculous little things, like whether bribing the house elves or polyjuicing into McGonagall was the best plan for how to get into the kitchens. And the week before a Slytherin/Ravenclaw quidditch game, they would terrorize each other beyond wit.

But then they would write each other's homework (because Lily couldn't stand divination, and Matthew was plain terrible at arithmancy), they would tput their brilliant minds together to sneak cake out of the kitchen at night, and they always have each other's backs. Hell, Matthew had even pretended to be her boyfriend once when her _lovely_ previous dorm mates were pestering her about Scorpius choosing Rose over her, and she was about to cast a bloody incendio on them.

Actually, they were a lot alike in some ways. They both needed their personal space, and they were both really irritable and sarcastic, yet soft on the inside. But they were different, too. While Lily handed in her essays two weeks before the deadline, without much effort, and received straight O's, Matthew spent those last two weeks studying day and night for those same grades. And where Lily seemed to throw herself into all sorts of complicated relationships without much contemplation, Matthew _never_ complicated things and was thus the most pathetic bachelor of all times. And whereas Lily wouldn't hesitate to instantly hex someone who stepped on her toes, Matthew would wait for the perfect opportunity to get his revenge without getting in trouble for it.

Simply put, he was good for her, and Lily was beginning to think that perhaps her mum and Teddy had been somewhat right about her needing to make friends. She had expected her last year to be terribly lonely and dull, and instead, she was gaining a friendship she had never thought she needed.

"Suit up, Cobra, we're going to Hogsmeade."

The door being thrown open, and an annoyingly cheery voice brought the girl back to reality, and nearly knocked her off the bed at that. She had been sulking for too long either way, locked up in her dorm like some pathetic little girl. But while the boy was completely right about getting her out of there, he was intruding in her private space, and she would not have it.

"Fuck's sake, Wright! What have I told you about rushing into my dorm like that?!"

"Oh sorry, were you in the middle of something… indecent?"

Merlin was that suggestive grin annoying, and it made her wonder how the _hell_ such a dimwit had been made Head Boy in the first place. Tossing a pillow on his face with all her power she got up out of her bed and pulled her black Weasley-jumper over her head.

"Why of course, I was thinking about my dear, married boyfriend and I just couldn't help myself. Whatever will your mother say when she finds out her husband has been shagging a fit, young chaser all this time?"

"Well there's a disturbing image I never wanted. You have a dirty mind, did you know that?"

"Thank you, Wright. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Anytime. Now, are you coming or not?"

"Relax, the butterbeer is not going anywhere," the girl sighed as she wrapped her Slytherin scarf around her neck and pushed the boy out of her dorm, following suit for a well needed trip to Hogsmeade.

\---

Being Head Girl and Head Boy of Hogwarts did have its perks. For example, having one too many butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks was not an issue. It was the first time in weeks that Lily had gone to Hogsmeade. At the beginning of term, she went there every chance she got, waiting for Teddy to show up, despite knowing that he wouldn't. So lately, she hadn't bothered. She couldn't dignify sitting around waiting for someone who clearly wasn't going to show up, and so she spent the weekends in her dorm, alone.

But this was nice; for once, it actually felt like she had a life. Matthew had his arm casually thrown over her shoulders, as he did so often nowadays, and she was emptying her fourth glass of butterbeer with an actual smile on her lips.

"I'm just saying… How are we supposed to seem **normal** when we literally can't log onto Facebook for four months straight?" the slightly intoxicated boy inquired, shaking his head in disbelief before taking another sip of his butterbeer.

"It doesn't make any sense," he continued, putting his glass back on the table.

"Your so-called face-book doesn't make any sense, Wright," the redhead muttered in response, failing to hold back a yawn and leaning her head against his shoulder.

\---

"What the fuck is this supposed to be?"

The irate voice came with a pair of eyes in the darkest shade of grey, furiously glued to those of a shocked Head Boy. It took longer than usual for Lily to register what was going on and sit up straight; perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was because she hadn't needed to _read_ anyone like that in months.

He wasn't himself, that much was clear. But he wasn't good at hiding either. His voice gave him away, those furious eyes, and the brown hair that was turning redder by the minute.

"Really? _What's this supposed to mean?_ What are you supposed to mean? You tell me to go, have fun, _make friends._ And when I do, you finally decide to show up after **months,** furious as a fucking Hungarian horntail. Care to explain that?"

"Well this is intriguing," the Head Boy interrupted, looking between the pair with a smug grin on his lips.

"I clearly underestimated you, Potter. _The Professor…_ that's just brilliant," he continued, nearly laughing at the absurdness of the situation.

"For fuck's sake, Wright. Get lost, would you?!"

"No need. I'll leave you two to it," the young wizard with flaming red hair muttered, turning on his heel to leave again.

"Right, go ahead and be jealous of nothing. It's not like it'd the first time, is it?" Lily yelled after him, not considering who would hear her, because he was _her_ Teddy, and he was walking away from her again.

"The logical thing to do would be to drop that dimwit and care about yourself… But then again, if he really is your soulmate and you're always going to be pining after him, you might as well get it over with…" Matthew murmured, probably making more sense inside his head than he did out loud.

"What, Matt?"

"Go after him before he disapparates, Lily."

"Oh. Ehm, thank you… And don't tell anyone I said that."

\---

She found him outside, around the corner of the bar, looking more himself. His tall form looked tired, as though he was carrying something very heavy on his shoulders and couldn't put it down. His hair was a dark, dull shade of blue, not lively like a turquoise ocean – but stormy, like dark clouds gathering in the night sky. His skin was pale, and the blood on his right knuckles perfectly contrasted it. His tattoos were crawling up his arm, and for a second there, she was certain she had seen a wolf leap across it. Instinctively she reached up and grabbed the wolf pendant around her neck, as to keep it from running away; from leaving her.

"I promised myself I would punch you when I saw you, but it seems you've beat me to it," she mumbled under her breath, hoping that he wouldn't punch the wall again, because despite what she told herself, she didn't want to see him hurt. She couldn't stand it.

"Lily," he breathed, acknowledging her presence, his grey eyes softening as they met hers.

"Teddy, I've… Where have you been?"

The tears were burning in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. She had cried too much for him already, and she wished that for once they could just be happy. But that seemed like too much to ask.

"Training. I couldn't very well ask for every Hogsmeade weekend off, or Harry would know something was up."

"Well you could've at least _written_ me. I mean it's not a very _good_ relationship, is it? One person ignoring the other… time and time again? Tell me, do you ever plan to acknowledge my existence or will you continue to just have me when it suits you?"

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Lils. I'm just trying to do what's right, but it seems like whatever I do is going to hurt you."

"Nothing hurts me more than being ignored by you, Teddy. Nothing. You're pushing me away. It's not going to make me go look for someone else, but it might make me resent you, and I don't want that. I just want us to be happy."

"I want that too, love."

"Okay, then let's go home now."

"Home?"

"Yes, I'll come with you. I just need to tell Matthew we're leaving."

"You can't just leave Hogwarts without permission…"

"Being Head Girl has its perks, Teddy."

"What about the Head Boy?"

"Well, he's in there, getting wasted on butterbeer. He's not a problem. Now, I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," the girl smiled, placing a kiss on his lips before disappearing back into the pub, happier than she had been in months. She was hopeful. He was good at that, making her optimistic. She wasn't sure it was a good thing, though, because that optimism made every disappointment tenfold worse.

\---

"Will you be alright getting back on your own?" the redhead asked her friend as soon as she had reached their table, crossing her arms over her chest, but failing to conceal a smile.

"What... Wait, are you leaving?"

"I'll be back tomorrow, Wright. I just… I can't watch him leave again. Not yet. Cover for me?"

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Lily? I mean… you're just starting to get better, happier… Don't let him take that away."

"Call me stupid, Wright, but I trust him. It's going to be better this time. I just know it."

"I hope so," the boy mumbled, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms as he looked at her.

"Just go, Lily. I'll cover for you. Just owl me when you get back," the Ravenclaw continued, rolling his eyes at her.

"Thank you, Matty! I owe you one," Lily exclaimed, throwing her arms around the boy, nearly knocking him out of his chair.

"Call me Matty again and you owe me more than that."


	24. Chapter 24

It was an unusually cold December. The snow had since long covered Hogwarts' grounds in a blanket of white, yet in London, the rain was still stubbornly pouring, leaving a familiar tapping sound on Teddy's windowpane. Lily had spent the last few Hogsmeade weekends there, ever since the former professor had showed up at the Three Broomsticks just about a month ago. Things had been good since then. It almost seemed like he was actually listening to her, for once.

"Teddy?" she asked silently into the darkness, rolling over to face the young auror trainee, who mumbled something inaudible in response.

"Are you awake?" she continued, pushing a string of turquoise hair away from his forehead.

"I am now," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around her, and pulling her closer before relaxing into his pillow again. In his defence, it was just after three in the morning, and he had been put through a tough week in auror training, but Lily was nowhere near falling asleep. As always, she had too much on her mind.

"Can I stay here? For Christmas?"

"What would you tell your parents?" he asked sheepishly.

"I don't know. Maybe that I'm staying with my boyfriend?"

"You don't think your mother would have us figured out in a matter of days?"

"Well, maybe we should just tell them then!"

"Really?" the young wizard asked in disbelief, sitting up on the bed, pulling a hand through his now brown hair with a sigh.

"Yes, really. We're going to have to tell them _some_ time, it might as well be now."

"No. Not like this, Lils. It's not the right time."

"The right time? You really think there's ever going to be a _right time_?"

"Well it's bound to be better than _now,_ " Teddy sighed, shaking his head as he got out of the bed and walked over to the window, leaving the bed empty and cold.

"What's so wrong with _now_ , Teddy?"

"Well, what's it been? Three weeks? Before that, I wasn't even responding to your letters! And you're still in school, Lily. Every single time you come here, you're risking expulsion. And it's been less than a year since I left my position, because of this… us. How do we explain that to them?"

"How did we explain it to James? To Albus? It's going to be fine, Teddy. I know it's scary, but… I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having you so far away, even when you're close. And I'm jealous! I'm jealous of all of them, taking it for granted, kissing each other on the bloody platform!"

"I need some air," he muttered in response, pulling on a pair of black jeans and a sweater before heading out into the rain, more likely in need of a cigarette than air.

There was just another week left until the Christmas holidays, and while it was supposed to be a relief to come home for several weeks at a time, it was anything but relieving to Lily. While she probably would be able to see Teddy more than she did now, she would barely be able to be with him at all – not the way she wanted to. Not without carefully considering every word and every action. Not without keeping her distance, and pretending.

\---

She had to have fallen asleep, as she woke up from cold arms wrapping themselves around her, and the scent of cigarette smoke filling the room. He had seemed irritated with her when he left, although now he was pulling her close, as though he would never let go.

"What's your take on marriage?" he asked, voice surprisingly calm for using that word; so bloody calm she was certain she had to have heard it wrong.

"Excuse me?"

"What's your take on marriage?" he repeated, voice still calm as ever.

"Well I think 'Lily Luna Lupin' sounds utterly ridiculous, but 'Teddy Potter' is even worse, so I reckon the first option is better," the redhead replied, although her voice was filled with sarcasm rather than calm.

"I think it sounds perfect," the young wizard mumbled absentmindedly, his hair turning into a now familiar shade of Slytherin green.

"Wait, you're being serious?"

"I'm not Sirius, I'm Ted," the wizard grinned, seeming much more like a boy than a man for the moment.

"Really? You think _this_ was a good time to make that joke?"

"Oh, it's _always_ a good time to make that joke."

"Remind me again why you're not dating my brother."

"Because despite his amazing sense of humour, he's not _you._ "

"Nice save."

"But really, Lils. I love you. And I always will."

"Teddy…" the girl began, rolling over to face him and his stubbornly green features, not sure what to say next. In all fairness, Lily Luna Potter had not thought of marriage since she was nine years old and still somewhat of an innocent girly girl. She hadn't thought of it when she first cast her patronus, she hadn't thought of it when he first told her he loved her, and she hadn't thought of it when he'd said forever. But now she was forced to think about it. Because it was Teddy, her Teddy, and she did want all those things with him. She wanted a home with him, a life with him, a family with him. She wanted _forever_ with him.

"This was mum's," he mumbled, a glimpse of grey flashing across his eyes as he pulled out a small silver ring from his jeans' pocket.

"I want you to have it; whatever happens. So that you don't have to doubt my feelings ever again. I want to marry you, Lily. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, or even this decade, and you don't even have to wear it. I just want you to have it."

For the generally cold and contained Slytherin, this was overwhelming, and there was no point in even attempting to withhold the river of tears that was making its way down her face.

"Don't be silly, Teddy. Of course, I'll wear it," she managed, wiping away the tears with her palms so that she could get somewhat of a look at the ring.

"Are you sure? You'll marry me?"

"Someday," Lily smiled, as he slipped the ring onto her left ring finger, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Merlin, I love you Lily."

"I love you too. And I take it this means I can stay here for Christmas?"

"You can stay here whenever you want. Preferably all the time."

"Don't say something you might regret," the Head Girl smiled, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Are you serious right now?"

"I'm not Sirius, I'm Lily."


	25. Chapter 25

Generally, Christmas was not one of Lily's favourite holidays – namely because of all the insufferable family dinners and socializing. No, she much preferred Halloween, a holiday consisting of more alcohol than family drama. The only reason she was looking forward to this Christmas, was as always Teddy – her fiancée. It was a strange word to think of, one she hadn't even dared to say out loud yet. She hadn't needed to, because no one knew – and hopefully, she could keep it that way for a while.

She would wear the ring around her neck, next to the wolf in the silver chain Teddy had gotten her for her birthday – hidden away underneath her shirt, close to her heart. She couldn't very well wear it on her finger, despite the unusually small amount of Weasleys at Hogwarts. If anyone saw Head Girl Potter wearing an engagement ring, it wouldn't be many minutes before her entire family had heard.

It had only been a week. One week, since she last saw Teddy – one week since she _knew_. She knew he would be hers forever. No matter what. And in all honesty, it felt like that. No matter the circumstances, no matter her family's opinions. They had decided to tell them, sometime over the holidays, but Lily was beginning to regret that decision. No matter how much it seemed to follow her, she hated drama. She hated all the arguments and the yelling. In fact, all she really wanted was some _peace._ Peace and quiet.

And while there actually was some peace and quiet when everyone gathered at the Burrow that same evening, it wasn't the kind she wanted. Because there was Victoire, sitting in the lap of whats-his-name; the French guy she had been dating for a few months. There were her parents, having a private cookie dough fight in the kitchen. There was Rose, discretely holding hands with Scorpius in the sofa. And the was _Teddy_ , in the other end of the room, barely looking at her. And for a moment, she wished she were like Vicky, her mum, or even Rose. She wished she could have what they had. The ease of it, the undramatic love.

She realized then, that she wasn't indifferent anymore. She was sad, and she couldn't bare seeing them anymore. She couldn't bare seeing him _so far away_ , anymore.

"I'm going to head home, I'll see you on Christmas Eve. Thanks for dinner, grandma."

After a bunch of way too many goodbyes, Lily was finally out the door, not at all feeling like going back to Grimmauld Place on her own. Besides, that place wasn't _home_ anymore - and Lily wasn't sure it ever had been.

Seconds later, she found herself appearing in Teddy's apartment, empty as always, clothes thrown across the floor. And despite how utterly un-homey it looked, she couldn't help but to smile at it, because she couldn't think of a place that felt any more like home. A place where she could be herself, where she didn't have to worry about everyone else and _their_ stupid emotions. None but Teddy. Teddy and herself. With a flick of her wand, the muggle record player started rolling, and the familiar tunes of Weird Sisters filled the room.

The seventh year Slytherin slid out of her heels, pulled her hair back up into a ponytail, and smiled to herself as she removed the small silver ring from her necklace and slid it back onto her left ring-finger for the first time since he had first given it to her, a week ago. And then, she started cleaning. Like Matt used to remark, Lily was messy on the inside, but she most definitely was _not_ messy on the outside. And if she was going to live in this apartment, she couldn't very well have clothes, and empty plates randomly thrown across the apartment.

By the time Teddy flooed in, the whole apartment was shining clean, and she'd even managed to conjure some fairy lights by the window and a mistletoe in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

"Oh, I'm sorry – I must have the wrong apartment," he grinned as he found her on the sofa, in front of his muggle TV.

"Seriously, Lily. You didn't have to do this, I wasn't even expecting you to be here. But I'm glad you are."

"I wanted to," she smiled tiredly, as she sat up on the sofa to make space for him by her side, only to lean back onto his shoulder.

"I wish we could've been like this all night," she mumbled, absentmindedly, as she entwined her fingers with his.

"I know, love. Me too," he mumbled, into her hair and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Do you still want to tell them?" he asked, voice low and hesitant.

"I don't know. It's going to be terrible, _they're_ going to be terrible. But I… I don't want to live like this. We need to tell them eventually, don't we? So maybe we should just get it over with."

"After Christmas eve?" he asked, after taking a deep breath, and she wondered if he worried more about it than she did. Probably because he had more to lose than she did. He didn't have parents who would stand by him no matter what he did. He had his grandmother, who was pretty damn amazing, but that was it. Well, except for Lily and her family.

"Definitely after Christmas eve," she agreed, relaxing into his embrace, unable to hold back a smile as he ran his fingers over the ring on her hand.

\---

There was nothing better in the world than waking up to him. But it was painful, knowing she had to leave.

"I should go," she mumbled into his neck, before reluctantly rolling out of the warm bed.

"You should stay," he mumbled, following suit and wrapping his arms around her again.

"Dad will call in the entire auror department to look for me any minute," she smiled, placing a soft kiss.

"You're right. You should probably go. But I'll miss you. See you tonight?" Those familiar green eyes glistened as he pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she replied with a smile, placing another peck on his lips before disapparating, and popping into the Grimmauld Place living room only seconds later.

"I'd appreciate it if you at least _told_ me when you're spending the night somewhere else, so I didn't have to wonder if you were still alive…" Ginny bid, where she stood in the kitchen, turning around to face her daughter.

"You said you were going home, do you have _any_ idea how worried I've been?"

"I'm sorry, mum. I just… I'm not a kid anymore, and I… argh, I don't know what else to say," Lily groaned, rubbing her eyes and dragging her palms down her face. She was not up for this discussion, not today, not any-

"LILY LUNA POTTER IS THAT A RING?!"

Oh, fuck. Lily immediately grabbed her left hand with her right, and there was indeed a ring. She had forgotten to take the damn thing off. The eighteen-year-old kept her eyes shut, biting her tongue, just waiting for the damn storm to strike. Only, it didn't. Carefully peaking with one eye, she found her mother just staring at her, eyes all teared up – which was a rare sight to see.

"Listen, mum, it's… it's not what you think," Lily tried, uncharacteristically failing with her explanation.

"Please, do explain Lily. Is it a mere coincidence that you're never around anymore and now all of the sudden you're wearing a bloody _engagement ring?_ "

"No… I just… It's not like I'm getting married, mum…"

"Oh well, _thank you!_ That's a relief, considering I have no idea who this person you've been seeing is because you don't tell me _anything!_ Oh. for fuck's sake, Lily, stop hiding it, will you?"

Lily had seen her mother throw fits before, plenty of times. But the crying, that was new. Ginny wasn't one to cry often, and crying _while_ throwing a fit? Well, that was confusing, and frightening at that.

So, when the elder redhead pulled her daughter's hands apart to have a closer look at the ring, Lily was frozen. She had no idea what to do, nor what to say, to calm her mother down, and she was scared. She was scared there was an invisible line she had just unknowingly crossed, and that she had lost her mother for it. Her _soft,_ kind mother. Green eyes teared up at the thought, and it was as though she hadn't actually realized how much she actually loved her mother – until it felt like it was too late.

"Is this… This is… Tonks' ring. Lily, why do you…"

At that, the eighteen-year-old could literally feel the colour draining from her face, as she pulled herself out of that frozen state and jerked her hand back, crossing her arms to get that ring _away_ from Ginny.

"Lily answer me, why do you- _oh my god._ "

The tears had stopped running down Ginny's face, and her jaw had gone stiff, as she once again downright stared at her daughter, her _youngest._

"You have **once** chance to tell me right now that I'm downright delirious and that there is **absolutely nothing** going on between you and Teddy Lupin. **One** chance, Lily."

She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. This was _it._ There were goosebumps all over her arms and a nauseating anxiety building up in her throat.

"Mum, I-" she tried, but was quickly interrupted.

"That is **it,** don't you dare move from that spot young lady or I swear to Morgana I will ground you for **life**!"

With a familiar pop of apparition, an infuriated Ginny Potter left Grimmauld Place, and Lily was frozen in the spot – trying to decide if going after her would make things better or worse.

\---

"What on earth is going on down here? Where's your mum?"

Harry came down the stairs, clearly straight out of bed, and had probably woken up from all the yelling.

"Mum. She's… I think she's gone… to kill Teddy, or…"

She was breathing fast now, although still standing in that same spot, feeling the air failing her, her words failing her.

"I think… You need to go after her."

"That's ridiculous, Lily, why would she-" Harry stopped when he saw her face, that tear-filled, pale face, more terrified than he had ever seen it.

"Take me with you," she mumbled, grabbing a hold of Harry's arm, before the world started spinning. Before she knew it, Lily was throwing up on Teddy's kitchen floor, and Harry was dragging his furious wife away from his godson.

"Will **somebody** tell me what in Merlin's name is going on here?!" He was very much a head auror in that moment, completely shutting up the room.

Teddy, with mousy brown hair and a black-eye, made his way across the room to help Lily off the floor, quietly asking if she was alright – something she couldn't really bring herself to answer.

"You keep your hands off her, Lupin, or I swear you'll have more than one black eye."

Ginny was hissing, through clenched teeth, trying to break free from Harry's grip. Harry, who was just as pale as his daughter by now, looking at the pair with troubled eyes.

As Teddy immediately threw his hands up in the air, there was a silence that filled the room. A terrifying silence, one that matched Teddy's grey eyes and Lily's shaking breath.

"Alright. Everyone take a seat," Harry breathed, pulling out a chair by the dinner table, practically forcing Ginny to sit down, before sitting down in the chair next to her.

Teddy carefully took Lily's arm to walk her over to the table and sit her down, and conjuring a glass of water for her before slowly sitting down in the chair next to her.

"Now, what happened?" Harry asked, surprisingly calm.

"What happened?! **THIS** happened!" Ginny exclaimed, frantically waving her arms between the younger pair.

"Lily, why don't you explain?" Harry suggested, bringing his daughter out of the distant place her mind had been at.

"Wha… explain? I… _I love Teddy,_ " she finally managed, dejectedly, staring at the table so she wouldn't have to see their looks.

"Okay," breathed a thoughtful Harry, who's calm Lily couldn't wrap her head around.

"OKAY!? I don't think you understand, Harry: he gave her Tonks' ring!"

"Ginny would you **please** take a breath?" Harry got up from his chair at that, offering his hand to his wife, who surprisingly took it and stood up as well.

"We should be getting home now. I trust you'll both be over for dinner. We'll talk, when everybody has calmed down." And with that, Mr. and Mrs. Potter left the London apartment in a flash.


	26. Chapter 26

The many hours leading up to the dinner with her parents were long, long and painful. Lily hated the waiting. Not that she knew there was going to be a confrontation, she needed it over with. The uncertainty was killing her, along with the lingering feeling that she had lost Ginny. That they both had. There was a silence filling the London apartment that day. A long, etching silence.

Every once in a while, Teddy would enter the living room just to check on her. While Lily was most comfortable in silence, there was a particular kind of silence she knew he was on the lookout for. The kind she could drown in. This wasn't like that though. It was an uncomfortable silence for sure, but it was uncomfortable with anticipation, not with hidden horrors. She sat in that silence all day, considering all possible outcomes; the ones where she lost her entire family but still had Teddy, the ones where Teddy left her in another stupid attempt to 'do the right thing', and the stupid, hopeful ones where they were all a family again. She hadn't fantasised about bright, utopian futures since she was a young girl. Since before she had learned what a dark place this life was. And she felt stupid for doing it now, yet, it was the only way to get through the day. What if? What if, one day, she could go to a Weasley family get together holding hands with Teddy in the sofa? What if, one day, she could marry Teddy, without any drama? Naturally, these weren't the most realistic outcomes, but they were the ones she needed. And she was damn well going to fight for them.

"Are you ready for this?" Teddy asked, as he entered the living room once again to check on her. It was time. Lily had been waiting restlessly all day for the confrontation, and yet now, upon facing it, the nerves were starting to bubble up in her stomach.

"I guess," she mumbled in response, standing up from the sofa to wrap her arms around him, and breathe in his scent as though it were the last time. In a way, it felt like it was, and that sensation raised more anxiety than any of the thoughts she had entertained during the day.

"Are you?" she asked, leaning her head to his chest, breathing along with the rhythm of his heartbeat.

"I think so. Are you okay to apparate?"

"Yeah, let's go."

\---

"Just remember that she's very fragile." Harry's words rung through the room as the pair appeared at Grimmauld Place seconds later.

"Oh brilliant, now I'm _fragile._ What's next? Unstable, perhaps? Now there's one you haven't used in a while," Lily snapped, as she pushed past her parents to take her seat by the dinner table. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

As Harry passed out the food, the others took their seats, and Lily poured herself a much needed glass of wine. Teddy took her hand under the table, and squeezed it reassuringly, although at this point, the girl was filled with irritation rather than concern, and was certain it was more likely he was the one who needed the reassurance.

"Ehrm, I think we're both wondering how this happened." It was Harry who broke the silence. Ginny was sitting stiffly in her chair, much like her daughter, not touching the food.

"I cast a patronus in defense class," Lily stated bluntly, rolling her eyes at her father and taking a sip of her wine before continuing. "It was a wolf."

A surprised "oh" left Harry's lips, followed yet another silence. The man looked positively heartbroken, while his wife was looking between the younger pair with an expression that could only be described as suspicious.

"Any other questions?" Lily asked, again taking the glass to her lips and having a sip of wine. There was only one emotion in her radius at this point, and it was anger. There they had been, talking about how _fragile_ she was, and now they were interrogating her about her relationship in a way they most definitely never had their sons. She was tired of it; them controlling every part of her life. She was done with it.

"Is that why you quit your job?" Ginny asked, arms crossed over her chest and brown eyes unapologetically glaring at her godson, who's hair had taken on a dull grey colour.

"Um, yes. Once I… became aware of my feelings for her, it didn't seem appropriate to stay on."

"And then you figured it was appropriate to _propose_ to her just because you quit your job?" Ginny raged, nearly getting out of her seat but being forced back down by Harry's hand on her shoulder.

"No.. I mean, we tried the absence thing-"

" _You_ did."

"I tried keeping my distance, but I wasn't protecting her by breaking her heart."

"Look," Lily chirped in again. "I realize you don't find this perfect. But Teddy is perfect for me, and I'm going to spend my life with him. You might not understand this whole patronus thing, and perhaps I don't either, but I know that I'm never gonna stop loving him. So you can't make me. And if you push him away, I _will_ push you away."

"Lily-"

"No, Teddy. I mean it. This is our relationship and they have nothing to do with it."

"Fine," Ginny retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and staring the both of them down. "But I won't have you lying to the family. Not for Christmas, not ever."

"Fine," replied the younger redhead, raising her eyebrows challengingly, unaware of how much she looked like her mother just then. "I'll wear the ring and it'll be a _wonderful_ Christmas for everyone."


End file.
